When You Should Forgive Infidelity and How to Do It

September 28, 2018
Betrayal hurts a relationship deeply, but does it do so forever? Learn how to forgive an act of infidelity and how to understand if it is worth doing.

The harm that a betrayal does to a relationship is unquestionable. However, it doesn’t always have to mean the end. Should you forgive infidelity?

Read on to learn more about it.

We know that, at this moment you must be depressed, angry, insecure, hurt and very confused. Betrayal hurts a relationship deeply, but does it do so forever?

Learn how to forgive an act of infidelity and how to understand if it is worth doing.

Cheating is one of the leading causes of separation for a couple. However, it’s not a cause in and of itself. Rather, it’s the consequence of a series of failures that are already present in the relationship. For that reason, one member of the couple decided to give being with another person a chance.

Why are people unfaithful?

forgive infidelity

There’s no good reason when the result is infidelity. In this act, one can deal with ego, tedium or the culture of modern society that screams in our ears “It doesn’t mean anything,” “No one has to know” or “I won’t hurt anyone.”

Sometimes, curiosity about the forbidden fruit also leads a person to try what’s “out there” without considering that this puts the valuable and solid relationship that they already have at risk.

Likewise, cheating can also be the result of lack of communication or sign of the end of love. In many cases, the person is making an attempt to fill a void that the formal relationship does not fulfill and satisfy a need that, for whatever reason, wasn’t met.

Also see: What Do Couples Who Have Survived Sexual Infidelity Have In Common?

Is it worth forgiving?

knowing to forgive

Clearly, it’s very difficult to immediately regain the ability to love, trust and have faith again.

However, it’s always important that, after the big blow, you reflect on your feelings about how valuable the relationship is in order to decide whether to give it a second chance or to break it off definitively.

  • If the person who betrayed you shows repentance, how much would you lose by not trying again? Would you feel happier? What guarantees would you have that it wouldn’t happen again? Did it really take you by surprise or did you also feel like something was wrong with the relationship?
  • Analyze whether or not this act of infidelity permanently ruins everything that was working before. After a devastating hurricane, a flower can be born that is much stronger and more beautiful than the one that the wind brutally took away.
  • Maybe you forgive your partner as a human being, but you don’t want to share a life together again. Sometimes, separation is the best way to stop getting hurt.

We recommend you read: The 7 Types of Infidelity that You Should Know About

How to forgive

Woman embracing a man commiting an act of infidelity

If, after thinking about it in depth, you conclude that the best course of action is to give it another chance, you must know that forgiving infidelity is not easy.

However, following these steps will pave the way for you:

  1. Take some time alone to relax and meditate on the importance of whether or not to try without the influence of external factors (family, friends or even your partner). Don’t let any economic issues or the thought of “what people will say” affect your decision, either.
  2. Keep your self-esteem high. You don’t win with guilt. Honestly evaluate how much you contributed to what you’re experiencing and think about what you can do about it now.
  3. Make sure your partner is truly repentant and committed to fixing things by putting in hard work that could take months or even years.
  4. Have extensive and sincere conversations in which you clearly share everything you’re feeling. This includes the magnitude of the pain your partner’s actions caused, and how much this has disturbed your sense of security. In addition, deeply explore why what happened occurred.
  5. After clarifying these initial points, keep a much more open line of communication with your partner than you had before the act of infidelity.
  6. Don’t obsess about the third person involved. Don’t look for him or her or investigate his or her life.
  7. Increase the time you spend sharing common interests.
  8. When you feel like you can start over, propose that you live together again and, this time, be sure to have a much more honest and committed relationship so that the hurtful incident doesn’t happen again.

You’re the injured party, so only you can know how long you will need to heal. We’ve shown you how to forgive infidelity and to understand if it’s worth doing so. The final decision is yours.