What To Do When Your Partner Doesn't Know What He or She Wants

Do you ever feel like you're in a one-sided relationship because your partner doesn't know what he or she wants? Today, we'll give you the guidance you need to face this difficult situation.
What To Do When Your Partner Doesn't Know What He or She Wants

Last update: 22 July, 2020

We’ll take a deeper look at this situation in the following article.

A common project

In the beginning stages of a romantic relationship, we assume that it’s the commencement of a shared life project. In other words, the relationship is heading towards a common goal and shared plants. It’s a projection towards a future that’s full of shared dreams, responsibilities, and efforts.

However, when one partner doesn’t know what he or she wants, then this common project simply doesn’t exist. When that’s the case, it’s practically pointless for one person to take the reigns in the relationship.

So, setting your sights on going forward with things will only produce frustration. Also, it can lead to accusations from both parties in the future.

Lack of communication.
Life in a relationship is a common life project. If the terms of the relationship are unclear, stress and frustration can arise.

So, what happens when one partner doesn’t know what he or she wants in a relationship? If that’s the case with your or your partner, then you’re likely experimenting the following:

  • Doubt. Everything feels confusing. Perhaps, one day, your partner makes you feel like he or she wants a commitment, but the next day everything changes. In some ways, your relationship may seem serious, but in other ways, it feels like you’re just trying things out. As a result, the ups and downs put you in a constant state of doubt and insecurity.
  • Frustration. The indecision when someone doesn’t know what he or she wants can cause frustration, stress, and suffering. Imagine putting your trust in someone that doesn’t know what to do and, as a result, doesn’t return your feelings. Giving more than you get in relationships is truly painful.
  • Fear of communication. You may avoid talking about your future together–whether it be short, mid, or long term. That’s because you’re not sure what your partner wants, so you both shy away from this kind of conversation.

What to do when your partner doesn’t know what he or she wants

Talk sincerely

There’s no sense in keeping your feelings of doubt, frustration, and suffering to yourself. Therefore, the best option is to have an honest conversation with your partner. Express your emotions, ideas, and dreams regarding your relationship.

However, you need to be aware that your partner may not share your plans and desires or even your feelings. Plus, you can’t force him or her to, either. Therefore, you need to be prepared to hear something different.

A relationship is a commitment that involves responsibilities, understanding, and respect.If those factors don’t exist, then the relationship isn’t going to be healthy.

Take care of yourself

Take care of yourself.
The stress that this situation causes may lead the relationship to fail. So, you need to love yourself first and foremost.

As we explained above, it’s not easy to stay in a relationship when one partner doesn’t know what he or she wants. Indeed, giving more than you get can be frustrating and heartbreaking. Therefore, you need to take care of yourself and ask yourself if this is really worth it.

If two people don’t share the same vision of a shared future, then the relationship is headed forward failure. So, the best thing you can do is think about yourself and understand that you’re headed in different directions and want different things

No matter what, don’t forget what you want

Don’t get carried away by feelings for someone who doesn’t know what he or she wants. Rather, ask yourself what you want for your future. 

What plans do you have in mind? How do you want to feel with the person that you’re going to share your life with?

If you’re with someone that’s indecisive and leaves your feeling confused, it’s time to move on. If your partner can’t commit, then he or she’s not the right person to commit to. The logic is simple.

Boost your self-esteem, maintain your dignity, and say goodbye to the person that’s not right for you. You’ll be opening to door to something that’s much healthier and will make you much happier.

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  • Emily A. Impett, Bonnie M. Le, Aleksandr Kogan, (2008) “When You Think Your Partner Is Holding Back: The Costs of Perceived Partner Suppression During Relationship Sacrifice.” Social Psychological and Personality Science
  • Rodríguez, E. M. (2016). 6 cualidades para alcanzar tus metas. Retrieved May 8, 2019, from https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/6-cualidades-para-alcanzar-tus-metas/