How to Find Intimacy without Games or Pain

· December 19, 2017
Both members of a relationship must be on the same level of commitment. If there's no balance, you may be giving more than them, and it might not be worth it.

You want honest intimacy without any games: An intimacy with no fear; one that doesn’t treat love as a tool, doesn’t make you think that this is what it is to love someone.

The intimacy you have in a relationship is very important. It’s a bond that makes you happy, like you’re floating in the clouds.

But the beliefs you may have about it can make you ask, once the honeymoon phase is over, is this really love? Why does it hurt, then?

“Read this too: Don’t Give up on Love; Give up on the People Who Didn’t Know How to Love You”

Today we’ll learn how to have intimacy without games or pain. A real, pure, honest intimacy.

Sacrificing yourself in a relationship

woman crying with mascara

Sacrificing yourself in a relationship and sacrificing yourself in the name of love is the same thing. You think you have to give in, allow certain things, because love conquers all.

However, there’s nothing good after this sacrifice, only pain.

“It was just a slip-up, it’s nothing” you say, wiping a tear from your eye, your head down and face crumpled in absolute submission.

“He says he’ll change and I love him so much I want to give him another chance” (as you’re already up to 8 chances), you say, convincing yourself that there is still hope of a happy ending.

When you look at it like that, it seems ironic and even absurd. But the examples seen in phrases like the above are more common and real than they should be.

What happens if you don’t sacrifice yourself in a relationship? What happens if you cut it off at the first sign of a lack of respect? Maybe a parent would say, “kids these days don’t try to make things work anymore.”

“Learn about The Characteristics of Toxic Love”

It’s true, we don’t make just anything work. We don’t make false intimacy work, full of deceit, fake love, pain.

You refuse to admit that you have to be with the person just because you love them, even if they’re making you suffer.

But those things we say as if they were absolute truths are in our mind pushing us to make the same mistake over and over, the mistake of giving in and sacrificing everything in the name of love.

You believe you don’t deserve more

two women watching a movie

Your relationship has been influenced by those fairy tales where everything is perfect. You believe it and think that is real life.

But you don’t realize they’re just stories, fiction.

The phrases above push you to give in, bow to others. This attitude lowers your self-esteem and makes you belief you don’t deserve more.

You don’t deserve anything but those insults, since you believe that you deserve them. Or, you think you should be grateful anybody is there at your side.

Maybe, you think that if the relationship isn’t working, it’s your fault because you’re not giving 200%. Because you are the one carrying the responsibility on your shoulders by yourself.

“Take a look at this: Love is Never a Synonym for Sacrifice”

It it worth all of the pain? Crying, suffering, insisting on something that is not working? This kind of intimacy is not what you want.

So why are you allowing it?

Finding true intimacy

man and woman on the beach looking for intimacy

Finding true intimacy is possible if you follow some tips and abandon those old habits that have been guiding your relationships:

  • Intimacy with a person, love, is not a battle you have to win. It’s something you build.
  • If the other person hurts you, don’t believe their promises of change. You change to a different relationship.
  • Don’t take responsibility for the whole relationship. In a healthy relationship, each person contributes 50%.
  • Breaking up does not mean life is over. This is another belief that pushes you to hang onto harmful relationships.

“Before you go, don’t miss: Promising to Change: Will it Get Your Relationship Back?”

It’s important that you stop seeing relationships as the thing that gives meaning to your life, and tolerating certain things that are destroying you.

If someone is making you suffer, what are you doing there? You’re wasting time.

Valuable time where you could be building yourself up instead of letting someone else make you feel like a small, worthless person.