I Was in a Toxic, Damaging Relationship Too

· February 28, 2017
It's not a bad thing to realize that you're in a toxic relationship. It is, however, a bad thing to not want to change the situation out of fear or dependence. We all deserve to be happy. There are no exceptions.

It’s not a bad thing to realize that you’re in a toxic relationship. It is, however, a bad thing to not want to change the situation out of fear or dependence. We all deserve to be happy. There are no exceptions.

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I also was in a toxic, damaging relationship that destroyed me as a person and devastated everything good I had in me. It was such a poisonous situation that I came to believe that it was all my fault.

I usually compare toxic relationships to drug addiction. Even though you know it’s bad for you, that it does nothing good for you, somehow you end up justifying it.

I would be a hypocrite if I said you could get out easily. It’s not like that. It’s not a matter of days, or months… Sometimes it takes years before you are able to open your eyes, forgive yourself, and move on.

When this moment comes, you realize that it wasn’t as hard as you thought it’d be. But something in you was forcing you to stay in such terrible circumstances.

A toxic relationship completely destroys you

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We can’t reduce toxic relationships to just one type; there are many types.

Here are a few examples:

  • Dependent toxic relationships: The person can’t live without a partner, so they are constantly looking for one. Without it, they feel empty and their life doesn’t make sense.
  • Abusive toxic relationships: One of the people in the relationship is physically or psychologically abused by the other. The victim believes it is all their fault.
  • Toxic relationships based on lies: Without trust, a couple can’t move forward unless one doesn’t discover the lies (or if they do, they accept them).
  • Toxic relationships based on idealization: Sooner or later, the person we place on a pedestal falls off of it. Then comes the disappointment, disillusionment, and let-downs.
  • Toxic relationships based on absorption: Also called “energy thieves,” these are people who get close to you, absorb all the good in you, and abandon you when they’re done.

In all of these types of toxic relationships, you are the victim. You get broken, devastated, split open inside until you’re destroyed. That’s how the other person is able to manipulate you.

Read: 7 Toxic People You Should Avoid to Be Happy

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You don’t know who you are anymore, and begin to be what the other person wants you to be. You’ve forgotten who you are; you have even lost the self-respect you used to have.

It’s time to get it back, don’t you think?

You can get out of a toxic relationship

As we’ve said, you can get out of a toxic relationship. The problem is that this won’t be a drastic or immediate change. It takes as long as it takes.

You’ve lived under your loved one’s yoke for a long time. A certain dynamic has permeated deep inside you.

Getting out of it is hard, but not impossible. You just need to be aware of a few things:

  • To start, you must realize that you are in a toxic relationship. You don’t like where you find yourself, you see with your own eyes how your partner lies to you, manipulates you, or how you are dependent on them…
  • Once you take this big step, which isn’t as easy as it may seem, it’s time to wake up to the fact that this needs to change. 

We don’t know when this will happen because, even though we give it all we have, we fall back into the same pit over and over.

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However, our subconscious has already taken in the fact that this won’t go on forever. Someday, not too far away, it will end.

But this isn’t everything. You need to make a change in your attitude and not accept what you’ve been approving up until now.

So let’s get to work!

The road to hope

I told you at the beginning that I was in a toxic, damaging relationship. However, just like you, many other people have gone through the same thing.

I was in a relationship based on dependence that put all of my happiness, joy, and motivation in the hands of someone else.

The bond I had with my partner turned into a vicious circle full of negativity. There was no way out, though I spotted a small, dim light of hope once in a great while.

I spent a long time in the chains of anxiety, desperate to do what I clearly saw, but from a distance.

Then on the most unlikely day, everything ended. I got up from my bed a new person, renewed.

The agony that was drowning me came to an end.

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Don’t be afraid that you’ll get into a toxic relationship. We all make mistakes and can fall into harmful relationships without meaning to be.

In the end, you’ll open your eyes and start over.