With Time We Learn to Love More, but Fewer People

As we grow older we realize when it comes to friendship, quality is more important than quantity, and the friends who last are the friends you'll love more.
With Time We Learn to Love More, but Fewer People

Last update: 04 November, 2019

With the passage of time, relationships that were once strong and durable can begin to fracture. This may be due to life changes or interpersonal conflicts, but your group of friends will suddenly be drastically reduced.

It’s no secret that your true friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and over the years their quality matters more than quantity in terms of friends and close relationships.

You’ve created a fence around your circle with the awareness of what is good for you to make it more exclusive, stronger, and deeper and to love more.

It’s not a painful process by itself, because it’s natural for this to happen.

Setting precise distances and limits according to your needs is something that everyone does at one time or another and at different stages in life.

You don’t need to love more people: just love your people more


With time, you prioritize the intensity of your contacts over the frequency. You enjoy having the people who really matter and who you want the most by your side.

This is determined, in part, by the amount of time you have for relationships and the interests and priorities that you share with others.

When you’re 15 years old, you like being surrounded by people, learning new ideas and experiences. When you’re 30 or 40 your priorities change, leading you to be more selective in your “battles.”

Friendship: the deeper it is, the better

At certain ages, it’s very common to feel alone but also not, so you go out in search (whether you realize it or not) of warm, pure, sincere, and stable relationships.

This is not a new phenomenon, but now there are studies that allow us to say with certainty: each passing year helps you prioritize quality over quantity.

You select and prioritize relationships with people with whom you connect more intensely because they provide you with greater well-being on the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral social levels.

Having a balance across all these areas helps you to conceptualize each individual friendship. According to that, the general emotional tendency is to define each friendship by what it provides you.


This is how you become more precise and analytical, while at the same time you can’t detach yourself from the idea of what each type of relationship offers you. You become aware that there are a variety of options and that this plurality of being is very rich.

This concept of friendship is so changeable that sometimes even you surprise yourself by thinking about it.

Nevertheless, there is something remarkable that occurs, whether through experience or by becoming less flexible, by which confrontations become more painful and penetrate deeper within you.

As an adult, you might find it touching that two children can fight over a toy, and the next minute they can embrace and love each other beyond measure.

This is an aspect that you should always keep in mind: are the reasons for your anger and estrangement really important enough to lose a friendship?


People tend to make attributions that are too fixed over fairly simple questions, which often end up undermining your ideals in terms of feelings.

This detail is without a doubt an anchor point in any relationship.

That’s why it’s important to note that people commonly judge quality by negative, trivial events compared with what you provide to the people around you.

This is to say that many times, you close your circle in a negligent way.

Emotional priorities for various stages of life

Whatever your personal reality is that accompanies this fact, you need to bear in mind that changes in your social reality are not negative in themselves.

This, without a doubt, is something that can naturally be hard to bear during times of transition. Let’s review the issue:

  • During preadolescence and adolescence there is a lot of confusion about relationships. You’re looking for your place in the world, and therefore constantly build and rebuild your circle of people.
  • Gradually, as you move into your twenties, you leave behind the big parties, the wild celebrations, and social excesses. You start giving greater priority to having someone to talk to and enrich your personal and psychological concerns.

  • As you advance in this phase, you want to be calm and comfortable, feel loved and important, and outline thoughts and interests that stimulate your mind and world in a more mature way.
  • As you evolve, you create a reference group, people who you can follow and with whom you can measure yourself and relate to, sharing thoughts, feelings, interests, and good times.
  • This way when you reach adulthood, your most important friendships are not those that appear deep, but those that feel deep, people you love more profoundly.
  • You love those people who can tell you everything with a look, who approve or disapprove with total freedom, and who would throw you to the lions if it were necessary.

Friendships through time are links that eventually become brotherhoods and sisterhoods. They are deep bonds that are far from hypocrisy, egotism, and false concerns.

Those friendships fill your soul with their hugs, guiding you as a co-pilot whenever something has blinded you.