The Mourning Room and the 5 Stages of Grief

May 16, 2018
The mourning room is one that all of us must visit at some point in our lives. Surviving it will make you ward off any resentment, let go of the past, and move on with your life.

The mourning room is a room we all have to go into after a loss. However, there are some ways people avoid doing so.

The door of this room opens when a relationship ends, when you lose your job, or when a loved one is gone forever.

There are certain stages that repeat themselves, no matter the loss. Today, we’re going to delve into them.

Avoiding the Mourning Room

Although the mourning room opens its doors after a loss, the fact of the matter is that you can avoid going inside. However, its doors will remain open and ready to let you in at any time.

When you end a relationship and don’t want to go into this room, what you do is get a new partner immediately.

That way, you avoid the first stage that the mourning room will definitely make you go through.

This isn’t healthy, because you’ll begin a new relationship without being prepared for it and you won’t give yourself the opportunity to close the last chapter.

What are the different stages of grief?

Read: How to Move On Independently After a Breakup

  1. Denial


In this first stage, you enter a state of denial. You deny that a loved one is gone, you deny that the relationship with your partner is forever broken, or deny that you’re no longer needed at work.

Denial is a way to turn a blind eye to what’s really happening. The reason people do this is because what happened hurt them.

Sometimes, many people make up stories. For example, the person who died is on a trip or their ex just needed some space.

However, this denial stage has its own end.

  1. Anger

When you stop denying and realize what happened, things change. You get angry at the person who has left you, no matter whether they passed away or broke up with you.

You’ll start thinking things like: “Why me?”, “It’s your fault“, “I don’t deserve this”, “I’ll never forgive you for leaving me”.

It’s a stage where you blame the other person for your pain and you hold them accountable for what you’re feeling.

  1. Bargaining

    bargaining stage

After anger, you begin to feel hope for reversing the process of loss. You begin to seek alternatives to recover what you’ve lost.

  • If a loved one died, you may try to contact them through mediums or other people who claim to speak with the dead.
  • However, if you suffered a breakup, maybe you’ll try to get them back and make them fall back in love with you.
  • Meanwhile, if you lost your job, you may try to get re-hired.

If you accomplish what you set out to do, the grief process will be interrupted. If you lose that person or that job again, going into the mourning room will be a lot more painful.

  1. Depression

If you overcome the bargaining stage and realize there’s no going back, you’ll start feeling sad.

Sadness is simply the sign that you’re accepting what happened. You know that everything’s over and your tears will help you get the pain out in order to get on with your life.

However, you must be very careful so you don’t get stuck in this stage, as prolonged depression can be dangerous.

  1. Acceptance

This is the final stage, where you finally accept the loss. You no longer harbor hopes of recovering what was lost and accept what happened, learn from it, and move on.

It’s a great stage that allows you to remember the good and learn from the bad.

Perhaps this stage doesn’t bring relief right away, bringing instead despair, grief, apathy, and fatigue. However, over time, you’ll start experiencing joy and the will to live.

The mourning room is one that all of us must visit at some point in our lives. Surviving it will make you ward off any resentment, let go of the past, and move on with your life.

Have you ever you felt stuck in any of the stages of grief? Which one do you think is the worst?

Before you go, make sure you read: Four differences between sadness and depression

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