Sexual Compatibility: Everything You Need to Know

Do you know what sexual compatibility is? Do you think it's possible to recover once it's lost? We'll explain more in this article.
Sexual Compatibility: Everything You Need to Know

Last update: 29 April, 2021

Have you ever wondered what sexual compatibility is, but haven’t known how to answer? 

This is normal. Although they are two everyday words, there are several things you might not know about it.

We can briefly define sexual compatibility as the set of beliefs, values, needs, and desires related to sexual relations that coincide with two people. This is compatibility, but there is so much more to it.


Do you know that feeling when you’re connected with another person

It’s energy and a kind of attraction that you can’t describe, but it’s there. It arises due to that coincidence in values, needs, and desires that we mentioned earlier. By noticing and feeling that everything fits, it’s inevitable for sexual compatibility to appear.

Recognize your partner’s signals

Despite this connection, it’s important to learn to recognize your partner’s signals to be aware of that sexual compatibility. If you’re not aware of these signs, it will be very difficult for you to have more than a friendship (and hopefully that). However, what are the signs that you shouldn’t ignore?

The way the other person looks at you, how they get nervous when they’re around you, their approaches and subtle actions like brushing your hand means that they’re attracted to you. There are many clues that the other person is into you. Keep your eyes open and your senses alert.

Sexual compatibility: Having the same appetite

Some people have no sexual desire, as an article published in Psychiatry MMC explains. On the other hand, some people have a big appetite. It all depends on the person.

For this reason, sexual compatibility is very important: it’s about both members sharing the same appetite. If not, it’s clear that they won’t be compatible.

An incompatible couple on opposite sides of the bed.

Sexual compatibility: A similar view on sex

What does it mean to have a similar view on sex? 

Basically, it’s enjoying the same things. For example, if you like trying new things or using sex toys, the other person should like them too, or at least be open to trying them.


Because this is what sexual compatibility is based on.

If you don’t have the same vision about sex as the other person, it will be very difficult to enjoy being in bed together. Therefore, it’s important to agree on this to be compatible.

Share the same likes

Another fundamental aspect regarding sexual compatibility is to share the same likes and tastes. If you like bondage, but the other person does not, you will hardly be able to fully explore and enjoy sex.

Therefore, it’s very important for your tastes to match, not just in the rest of the facets of your life, but also in your sex life. Have you ever thought about this before?

What does sexual compatibility depend on?

In addition to all of the above, compatibility depends on pheromones and genetic compatibility that activates desire as well as sexual response, according to Men’s Health Medical Literature for Patients. However, other factors also influence it, like if the other person fits or approaches the ideal vision of a partner you have in your mind.

In conclusion, compatibility must happen in many ways: from the psychological point of view, personality, values, and erotic behavior.

However, just like how sexual compatibility can happen (seemingly out of nowhere), the opposite can also happen. In other words, you can lose it. This can happen if your values change, or if there wasn’t true compatibility from the beginning, and you were seeing things that weren’t really there.

How to regain sexual compatibility

Two people being intimate.

Fortunately, you can regain lost sexual compatibility. In fact, some couples decide to go to a sexologist to find a solution for what’s happening to them.

Things were not always bad, and you might notice yourself changing. Don’t worry, you can still get what you lost.

  • Explore new horizons: Introducing sex toys and trying new things can awaken pleasure and let you discover tastes you didn’t know you had. You will enjoy sex more.
  • Spend time alone together: Sometimes children or day-to-day responsibilities prevent you from having time to talk or to have sex. Therefore, it’s important to find moments together to be intimate.
  • Find your own rhythm: If you have more sexual desire than your partner, you can find a balance if you talk about it. You don’t always have to be on the same level in everything. Unless you are at two opposing extremes, this can work.

As you can see, it’s important for there to be sexual compatibility, but this doesn’t mean you have to be the same as the other person. There will always be differences, and the important thing is that you find a balance. For this, communication is key.

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  • Mallon, R. y Stich, SP (2000). La extraña pareja: la compatibilidad de la construcción social y la psicología evolutiva. Filosofía de la ciencia , 67 (1), 133-154.
  • Salgado, C. (2003). El desafío de construir una relación de pareja. Editorial Norma.
  • Urbano-Contreras, A., Iglesias-García, M. T., & Martínez-González, R. A. (2019). Satisfacción general y sexual con la relación de pareja en función del género. Revista Española de Investigaciones Sociológicas165, 143-158.
  • Psychiatry (Edgmont). 2008 Jun; 5(6): 50–55. Published online 2008 Jun. Sexual Desire Disorders.