Set Boundaries and Surround Yourself with People who Make You Happy

· September 20, 2016

Every day we have to deal with people that drain your energy, which is why it’s a good idea that you learn to set boundaries so they don’t affect you too much.

Some people exhaust you, they drain you of your energy, and they make us put up a fight when all we want are peaceful days.

And interestingly enough, these “saboteurs of happiness” exist in almost every personal circle. They’re in your family, your friends, and even in the work zone.

Sometimes, they emit toxic behaviors without even realizing it.  They need you, they search for your support, advice, so they can vent… These things could be understandable, if their attitude weren’t always like that.

And this is where the blackmail and reproach come in.

It’s not always easy to live with people like this. But you absolutely must know how to use appropriate respect so as to safeguard yourself, while also searching for people that inspire you, that bring happiness to your heart.

Exhausting people, sources of daily stress

We are all constantly surrounded by various stressful situations.

But there’s one thing you need to clearly understand.  If someone is exhausting you, suffocating you and altering your emotional balance, it’s because you are “permeable”.


Every mind has its own level of permeability or tolerance, and this, of course, depends on your personality type.

  • Introverted people have a much lower tolerance of situations involving constant social interaction. They need sufficient amounts of alone-time to “recharge” their batteries.
  • More extroverted individuals search for more stimuli, and generally tolerate and enjoy talking with a lot of people, moving around in different environments, and making plans.
  • But the problem arises when introverts and extroverts must face these saboteurs of happiness, those types of individuals that are exhausting because they place themselves as a priority.

They drain you with their criticism, their obsessions, their constant search for problems that don’t exist.

Believe it or not, a large part of your stress comes from interactions with other people, with people that exhaust you or stress you in other ways.

Negative interactions and cerebral consequences

In these types of situations, the word “burn” begins to make sense. Think about your brain as an amazing web of neural connections. It is interconnected tissue where harmony prevails.

When you live through periods of continual or chronic stress, that harmony is broken. Some areas of the brain are even lost:

  • The dendrites in your nerve cells in the hippocampus region of the brain begin to break. This is caused by a change in the neurotransmitters. Cortisol exerts a very negative effect on the brain.
  • Dendrites are the tiny little arms that connect neurons together.
  • The greater the stress, the lesser the connectivity in the hippocampus region. This is because a lot of dendrites break, which interrupts connectivity.
  • Remember that the hippocampus is the brain structure that stores memory and emotions.

We’re telling you all of this to explain why, in situations of anxiety or stress, people lose their concentration. It’s also quite common to experience apathy and negativity.


How to learn how to be less “permeable” to exhausting people

It’s not easy to learn how to be less permeable in stressful situations. First off, this is because sometimes your own negativity blocks you. You feel defenseless.

But how can I react if the exhausting person is my mother?  What if it’s my partner, or my boss?  These are undeniably delicate situations that take a lot out of you.

So let’s talk about a few simple strategies.

I won’t let them affect me

You might have a friend or a family member that constantly calls you to tell you their problems. One way to solve this is to respond to their calls only once every two days.

You need to avoid having a guilty conscience when you set boundaries.  They might get mad once, twice, three times. But they’ll slowly start to adapt to your personal boundaries.


Find people that inspire you, that make your heart happy

If some of your family members, or coworkers are exhausting to you, take a break by spending time with people that make you happy.

  • Life is all about balance. So you have to work with compensation. One thing for another.
  • Exhausting people need to be kept at a distance. If you are obligated to interact with them, then learn to set boundaries. Place yourself as a priority and safeguard your own self-esteem.
  • Try to dedicate 70% of your time to personal enrichment. For this, find people that are truly worth your time, that inspire you, that make you feel confident and positive.
  • You probably have some good coworkers. In your family, there is probably more than one person that you absolutely adore.

And remember, when there’s love, there’s no room for someone who drains you, because people that drain you don’t love you. They consume your energy and even your health.

Don’t forget that.