The secret to good parenting comes from not believing everything your children say. Your children can appear like everything is going well. They can feign transparency with you. However, it’s in your hands to see if what they say is really true.
How many times have parents said “I didn’t know my child was that bad” or “it seemed like everything was going well”?
This shows a problem that is very present in families: they don’t look past the appearances.
You will never understand everything about your children. This includes when they run into in a difficult stage, such as adolescence.
Many times, it’s not that they don’t trust you. Rather, they don’t feel safe enough to say what’s really happening.
It seems much easier to talk with their friends. Maybe this is because they’re the same age. After all, you’re a little farther from childhood.
Because of this, not believing everything they say is important. You don’t know if when they say “I’m alright, Dad” they’re hiding as secret like “they’re bullying me in middle school”.
Maybe your son tells you “Stop it, mom. Everything’s OK.” However, he may be thinking: “I’m worried about my body and what others are saying about it.”
Children have many secrets. Because of this, even if they seem very transparent with you, don’t shoo away the importance of good communication.
Your children may need your help, but they don’t know how to express it the right way.
Distrust is the mother of safety
As Aristophanes said, “Distrust is the mother of safety“. This doesn’t mean that you have to control everything. However, you do need to keep an eye out.
This is as easy as not turning off your internal parental intuition. However, many times your intuition disappears. This could happen because of worries, thoughts, and responsibilities you think are more important.
Many parents put their own problems first even before their children. Because of this, they turn their back on their children. They think their anger, mood changes, or the isolation they’re showing are childish behaviors.
However, in reality, these are important signs you must pay attention to.
You are a guide and a counselor
The way you relate to your children will determine their future. You can’t ignore them today and hope that they won’t do the same thing to their children.
You also can’t complain that they keep certain problems to themselves if you don’t demonstrate that you want to listen to them.
Parents shouldn’t turn a blind eye when their child wears long-sleeve shirts in the middle of the summer to cover their wrists.
However, for many, that is a more comfortable position. Why more problems, right? It’s easier to keep going surrounded in ignorance. However, your child’s health can be in danger.
This situation happens in many spheres of your life. You don’t confront your fears. You turn a deaf ear to what you don’t want to hear.
However, this way of acting is just a way to trick yourself. Afterward, you probably say things like “I never knew that it was so bad.”
Parents aren’t stupid. They know exactly what’s happening to their children. It’s something else to want to see it, investigate, be interested…or do the exact opposite.
Even though they don’t want to talk or they turn their back to you, your children should know that you’re there to support them the moment that they fall.
It’s a slow and hard process to show them that you know something isn’t right and try to talk to them without making them mad or scolding them. But they’ll thank you.
Don’t ignore or belittle their problems. Not believing everything should be every parent’s secret.
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