Family rifts are traumatic, empty and profound wounds that are not always repairable.
The impact caused by an absent parent, a toxic mother, aggressive language, yelling, or a lack of security and affection brings something more than just the classic lack of self-esteem or deep-rooted fears.
Often, the difficulty in resolving many intimate and private consequences lies in the fact that wounds in the mind are caused early on.
We mustn’t forget that prolonged stress – and stress at an early age – causes the architecture of the brain to change. Thus, structures related to emotions can be altered.
All of this can lead to greater vulnerability and a more profound helplessness. This carries a greater risk when it comes to certain emotional disorders.
Family is our first contact with the social world. If that experience doesn’t nourish our essential needs, it can impact the rest of our lives.
Let’s have a look at why it’s so difficult to overcome injuries sustained in the earliest part of our lives.
Our culture tells us that family provides unconditional support (however, sometimes this is wrong).
The last scenario where we think we’ll be hurt, betrayed, disappointed, or even abandoned is, without a doubt, in the heart of our family.
- However, it happens more often than you think.
Those role models who are supposed to offer confidence, encouragement, positivity, love, and security sometimes fail us voluntarily or involuntarily.
- For a child, a teenager, or even an adult, to experience betrayal or disappointment within the family is to develop a trauma for which we will never be ready.
- Betrayal in the heart of a family is for more painful than the simple betrayal of a friend or a co-worker. It’s an attack on our identity and our roots.
Family rifts are passed on through generations.
A family is something more than a genealogical tree, a genetic code, or a few shared surnames.
Families share stories and emotional legacies. Often, traumatic pasts are inherited from generation to generation in many different ways.
For example, the study of epigenetics tells us that everything that happens in our closest environment can leave an impact on our genes. Factors such as fear, severe stress, or trauma can be passed down many times from parents to children.
This means that, sometimes, we are more or less likely to suffer depression or react with better or worse tools when faced with adverse situations.
Although we may distance ourselves from our family circle, the wounds are still there.
At some stage, we all may do it. We say enough is enough, and we dare to cut that malicious link. We do this in order to establish necessary distance from our traumatic and dysfunctional family.
However, the simple fact that we decide to say goodbye does damage to us, as well. In itself, it doesn’t heal the wounds. It’s a start, but it’s not the complete solution.
It’s not easy to leave behind a story, the dynamics, the memories, or the empty spaces in between.
Many of these things are linked to our personality and the way that we relate to others.
People with a traumatic past tend to be more suspicious. Thus, it’s very difficult for them to establish solid relationships.
Someone who has been wounded also needs be reaffirmed. They want others to fill those gaps. Therefore, they often feel frustrated because few people are able to offer them everything they need.
The best advice in these cases is to try to heal yourself first as a person before searching for what you need in others.
We can come to question ourselves.
This is perhaps the most complex and saddest thing.
Someone who has spent a great part of their early life in a dysfunctional home or in a family with a negative parenting style may believe they don’t deserve to be loved.
The education we receive and our relationships with their mother or farther is at the very root of our personality and our self-esteem.
The negative impact of these marks is very intense. Hence, a lot of the time, we may have doubts about our own effectiveness, self-worth, or even whether or not we’re worthy of our dreams.
Our family can either give us wings or can pull them off us. It’s sad and devastating.
However, there is something that we can’t ever forget. No one can choose their parents, or their relatives, but there always comes a time when we are able and obliged to choose how our life is going to be.
Choose to be strong, be happy, free and emotionally mature. To do this, you need to overcome and heal your past.