When children get past their childhood, a big problem comes up. The become teenagers, and suddenly, they don’t want to communicate with their parents. Teens not wanting to talk drives their parents crazy.
Suddenly, their talkative child starts to hold back. They don’t tell their parents what’s going on. This is a difficult period, and it gets even more complicated because of this voluntary silence.
Interestingly, this lack of communication only happens with parents or the family. Teens usually confide their deepest thoughts and feelings in their friends.
This causes parents to feel like they are separated from their child’s circle of trust. Without a doubt, this is a situation that causes arguments and misunderstandings.
The stage of teens not speaking is a passing one
The moment that we become parents, it seems like we forget the steps that we went through ourselves. However, you’ve also lived through what’s happening to your child.
Why didn’t you talk to your parents? What made you trust your friends more? There is a list of reasons that are normal in this period of constant change.
- Teens know that they aren’t clear, not even to themselves. Teens change their thoughts and emotions from one day to the next. Their hormones are raging. Plus, they can’t even explain what’s happening.
Because of this, it’s easier to tell this to other people.
- They think that their parents won’t understand them. The communication problems build a wall between the understanding of parents and children. Because of this, the child prefers to move forward, and they don’t say anything to avoid conflicts.
- They trust their friends more because they spend more time with them. They spend most of their time, between classes and work, surrounded by friends.
Because of this, it makes sense that they believe that their friends will understand them better than anyone else. After all, their friends are going through the same part of life.
Do you feel understood? Even though we’ve left our teenage years behind us, it’s important to put ourselves in our children’s shoes. They find themselves confused just like we did in our day.
The most important thing is that this is all passing. Your teen not speaking won’t last forever. And soon, you’ll have an adult that talks to you and trusts in you again.
The frustration consumes you
Getting frustrated, fighting, and screaming won’t cause anything but conflict. When faced with these overflowing emotions, your teen will respond with more yelling and aggression.
As a result, it’s important that we learn to manage this frustration. After all, this is something that can consume us if we leave it.
Even though you want your child to talk with you, you can’t force them to do so. As much as you want them to trust in you now, you need to give them time.
Patience will be one of your greatest allies for trying to understand and waiting for this difficult time to pass.
Many parents complain about the way their children act. However, they aren’t able to control their children. They aren’t to blame for being so difficult at this point in their lives.
This is something that they need to get through.
How to help them and yourself
To do the best you can with teens that won’t talk, you need to also think about how to help your child.
With this goal, it’s necessary to keep some advice in mind. Many of these are difficult to do, but they are completely necessary.
- Don’t invade their personal space: Teens are very sensitive of their space and privacy. Even though you do it with the best intentions, don’t invade their space.
- Don’t insist: This never works. Grilling them so that they talk won’t do anything but increase the silence.
- Don’t confront them: The more you blame them for not trusting in you or not being honest about what’s happening to them, the more they will pull away. This will make them have less trust in you and tell you nothing.
- Don’t lose your nerve: Sometimes, this is difficult, but showing your frustration won’t make your children grow closer to you.
- Be careful with making them your friend: By wanting to be part of their circle of trust, sometimes we act as if we were their friend and not their parent.
Be careful with this because they need someone firm. They need someone who will put limits and have authority. This way, you can guide them on this difficult path they’re crossing.
Remember that this stage won’t last all of their life. This is an extra step that we have all had to go through, for better or worse.
The important thing is to be patient. We also shouldn’t want to hold onto our children too much. Overwhelming them, holding on to them or trying to keep them under your grasp won’t have the desired effect.
Even though now you feel far apart, your child will return to you. They’ll alsobe a more mature, conscientious and better version of themselves.