Although our relationship didn´t work out, I never got the luxury of enjoying memories and longing for you, but I went ahead and learned to live without you.
Our relationship did not work out, but that didn´t stop me from moving on. Although it wasn´t entirely like that. At the time I collapsed, I thought I was falling into a bottomless pit. However, this was due to my beliefs. Beliefs shouting at me “you´re all alone!”, “No-one else will ever love you!”
Words that I did not know how to handle because they took over my mind and there was no way to get rid of them. After a long time meditating, going through psychotherapy and looking at myself as a complete human being, our relationship did not work out but I finally managed to let you go. Despite the fact that relationships fall apart, life goes on and I was no exception.
Our relationship did not work out, but that didn´t stop me
Our relationship did not work out and at first I felt that I had to enter that dark painful grief-stricken room. I struggled a lot to get over each stage. First, I never stopped denying that every day face-slapping reality to accept it all at once.
One day, exhausted, I let my anger get the best of me and blamed everything on you. I was sick of feeling awful. It was all your fault!, or at least I thought it was. I spent more time than necessary on this second stage.
Then I was overwhelmed by sadness because I was getting closer of not having any other option. However, I resisted and decided to work through it. I tried manipulating you, telling you I could change, that our relationship couldn´t end like this, our relationship didn´t work out but it could of.
It was a desperate attempt to hold you by my side, because without you I felt insecure and unable to move on. I started to stop doing my favorite activities. I no longer enjoyed them like before.
A long time has passed and now I’m glad you walked away and didn´t give into my emotional blackmail. Because now I had no other choice but to face up to the facts and accept reality. Thus, the door of acceptance is what allowed me to leave that dark painful roomwhich which I willingly allowed myself to be tangled up in for a long time.
The time finally came to pass of me getting tired of everything or, maybe, I had no other choice. It was to continue there, remain in front of that door or open it once and for all. I opened it… Then I realized that our relationship did not work out and it did not mean my life came was at a dead-end.
What has become of our relationship?
Possession, dependence, yours, mine … As usually said, the word “love” is highly overrated in many relationships.
We still have the thought of owning the other person in a relationship. That he is ours and he belongs to us. That is why jealousy comes to play, we strip him from his liberties by using wonderful technology in order to enhance our control over the situation. When did you connect? When did you disconnect? Why did you add that person? Will you be talking to her? About what?
Obsessive thoughts make us go crazy and don´t take us beyond our imagination of what it could have been or what it might become. Let’s not forget that self-fulfilling prophecies are on the top of our agendas.
Let’s think about relationships like those we have with our parents, brothers, and friends… What remains constant in every single one of them? We do not impose or hold back, we are happy if they decide to be taken by their own happiness. In romantic relationships we do not do this. We don´t because we are afraid.
Fear of being left alone, of abandonment, of not finding anyone else, of missing an opportunity… Fears of beliefs that ruin our relationships instead of experiencing them wisely. We know what happens while we cling on to something out of fear. At the end we lose it. Well, the same happens in relationships.