Nothing to Prove: As Long As I Know Who I Am

· July 13, 2016
People that love us know how we are. You have nothing to prove. They know our limits and that their rights end where ours begin.

People who love us know who we are.  You have nothing to prove to them.  They know our limits and that their rights end where ours begin.

The need to prove certain things to others for approval or recognition is an unnecessary source of stress.

If you stop to think about it, you’ll realize that this is something you might do often. To prove your love to family or friends, for example, you end up doing things you don’t want to do.

Of course, if you want to get along with someone, sometimes there’s no other option than to do certain things to strengthen the relationship, or to simply fulfill society’s expectations.

But there are always limits to this.  These limits are your own values, and most especially, your personal dignity.

Be careful whenever you stray from these values and find yourself obligated to prove things that are not authentic to you. This is when you run the risk of suffering an identity crisis, or depression.

Let’s take a look.

Being authentic is a way to be free and well

Saying “NO” sometimes means being afraid of hurting, or even worse, disappointing someone you love.  But in spite of that, this word is capable of opening an infinite amount of doors and opportunities.

That’s because saying “NO” sometimes means “YES” when said at the right time.  Let’s think of a simple example.  You’re in a relationship with a very complicated partner. Even though there’s love between you two, all you get are tears and unhappiness.

A well-timed “NO”—even though it’s difficult and hard—is giving yourself the opportunity to start over. It’s also a chance to stop hurting each other.  But if you continue down the same path, all you’re doing is distancing yourself from yourself. This can cause you to fall into useless suffering.

countryside with flowers

The courage to show who you are and what you want

Showing who you are and what you want is a very necessary survival technique.  It’s like marking your territory.  It lets other people know how far they can go, and what they’re going to encounter if they cross those lines.

  • Make it very clear from the start what your values are, and what you’re willing to put up with.  Make sure they know what information is not necessary.  This makes things easier and, of course, makes living together easier as well.
  • People who never set boundaries open themselves up for others to cross those lines, always asking for a little more.  They’re hoping that you will always be available to them and they won’t respect your rights or needs.
  • This is far from looking at it through the lens of ego, isolating yourself from the world.  You need to rather see it as a “celebration of who you are.”

As soon as you have a clear idea of who you are, what you want, and what you’re not willing to allow, you’ll experience a sense of inner peace. Moreover, you will get along with others much better.

You’ll also be fully aware that others have the right to be authentic, spontaneous, and sincere.

No one should feel obligated to appear as something they are not.

woman getting ready

I know who I am and I have nothing to prove

Indecision, insecurity, and low self-esteem will set you on a continuous search for external acceptance.  This is not right.

People who search for acceptance in others can spiral into very dangerous unhappiness.  These are the people who always try to please their partners because “that’s the only way” they can feel good.

  • These people are incapable of saying no to family members, even though it goes against their principles.  They fear disappointing them more than anything else. They also fear projecting an image different than what their parents have of them.
  • All this can make you fall into a pit of low self-esteem that prevents you from having a positive, strong and authentic self-image.  You’re so focused so much on outside stimulants that you stop listening to yourself.  Those who don’t listen to themselves stop caring for themselves and get lost.
barefoot woman walking freely

You could say that life, above all, is a process of rediscovering yourself.  Once you achieve an “inner connection,” you’re able to establish more satisfying relationships with others.

That’s when you start to discover freedom, being aware of each person’s rights. You finally see the magic in constructing common projects, feeling free but intensely united at the same time.

This is definitely no easy task.  But it’s worth it to slowly arrive at the point where you find the balance necessary to stop trying to appear as something you’re not, or don’t truly feel.

The courage of saying “NO,” and knowing you have nothing to prove, is always liberating.