People can ruin your life and very easily make you bitter. They may use fear, negative attitudes, expose insecurities, cause you to worry about things that aren’t worth it…
It’s as common as it is uncomfortable, and almost without knowing how you fall into a gray abyss of apathy and malaise.
You need to learn to approach things differently, as it is all too common to allow others to ruin your days with their bad attitudes.
Something that you need to bear in mind is the fact that bitterness is above all the inability to be happy.
Before you criticize someone or take up the cry that “all you do is ruin lives,” be patient and receptive to determine whether or not that person is suffering from a problem like depression.
If they exist only to cause you harm, control you, or blackmail you, then don’t let them.
Ruining others’ lives is not allowed
Starting with today, you need to implement a new purpose: don’t let anyone upset you, or to cause you to become bitter.
You’re going to open your emotional umbrella to protect you from the damaging words of people who try to clip your wings when you try to fly, who try to put out the fire of your dreams, or who repeat every day that “you can’t,” when all you feel is “I want to.”
To this end you can implement these simple strategies.
I hear you, I understand, but I protect myself from you
As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, negative behavior can be characterized by bitterness, irritability, apathy, or even the clues of a hidden depression.
- Responding with anger or disinterest can intensify the other person’s negative emotions.
- It’s best to listen to them and calmly confront their arguments with assertiveness and patience.
- If they need help, offer some strategies to get it and realize what is happening inside them.
- If they simply lack empathy and respect for you, open up your defense umbrella and put some distance between you.
Bitterness isn’t resolved by more bitterness
You can’t solve one insult by adding another. Fears don’t die out in the presence of greater fears, and sorrows don’t disappear when you accumulate more negative emotions.
- If your family member, partner, or a friend is used to bringing dark clouds to happy moments, to trimming your dreams and hopes, don’t intensify the situation with anger or by reacting with hostility.
- You need to be assertive and also intelligent. Sometimes you can’t change the way people around you are going to be. Certain personality types are used to disparage, offend, and belittle others.
The sooner you accept this, the better, because this will allow you to act in a more logical way: with distance or by putting up defensive walls.
Some keys to fighting bitterness
Rafael Santandreu is a psychologist who through books like “The Art of Not Being Bitter” has shown us that the poor quality of life you may experience at some point or another is the result of applying the wrong philosophy, without knowing how, but with your actions and your thoughts.
One way to manage these inappropriate responses would be to learn to let things make you a little less bitter. Just try to keep these simple strategies in mind:
- Try not to complain too much. Instead of lamenting the bad stuff or what you don’t have, try to appreciate what you do have or resolve what’s worrying you.
- To use the terminology of this psychologist, don’t make your life worse. People usually say something along the lines of “if I quit this job, everything will end,” or “if my partner leaves me I’ll die.”
- Though you may not know it, you don’t need much to be happy. Try to appreciate the little things that surround you.
- Watch your internal dialogue. Sometimes you can be your own worst enemy.
- Don’t demand anything from anyone, and don’t expect everything from others.
- Love yourself unconditionally and be able to accept those around you for who they are. Love them with respect, just as you respect yourself.
- Use laughter to fight the chaos that surrounds you. If someone is determined to bring you down, respond with humor.
It’s not worth letting any of their “dirty tricks” have power over you.