I No Longer Get Angry—I Just Listen
Anger is a normal, almost daily human emotion. It’s common in adults, but above all in small children who don’t know how to manage feelings and just listen.
You shouldn’t see this feeling in a purely negative way. Everyone gets angry, everyone becomes filled with wrath during situations that they consider unjust, and this is also something healthy that allows you to respond to what is not permitted, what hurts you.
But anger must be something specific and limited in time. You should think about it like a switch, something that lights up in your brain to warn you that some aspect of your environment should concern you, and that you need to make a decision.
If you let this emotion control you, you fall into irrational anger, shouting and potentially doing something you’ll regret. Your anger should be attended to and later controlled to allow you to provide an adequate response.
In today’s article we invite you to delve deeper into this common emotion that’s sometimes unknown.
Get to know your anger to better respond to your environment
One of the most well-known specialists on anger and resistance is without a doubt Eckhart Tolle. This positivist psychologist and representative of the more spiritual aspects of behavioral science provides a very accurate conception of this psychological construct.
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- Anger is a powerful, negative and gripping emotion. Anger that’s not controlled and that you let fly in the moment floods your mind with negative thoughts.
- It’s not you that reasons here, not your balanced and logical parts, but that stark and negative emotion.
- One aspect that you must consider, and which Eckhart Tolle also says, is that sometimes you’re angry at something without even realizing it.
Soon, that feeling of negativity will invade other areas of your life to the point that you become overwhelmed by pessimism.
- Anger can also be transmitted, spreading like a suffocating energy that creates distance and discomfort around you. It’s a very unpleasant thing.
We’ll show you now how to resolve this discomfort, this lack of harmony with yourself and your environment.
How to be aware of what you’re creating
Let’s give you an example. Imagine you have a bad day at work. An office mate has created a toxic environment filled with unfounded rumors and criticism that hurt you, and this bothers you.
- You as the protagonist store a great deal of anger, growing tired and projecting negativity at home with your family. Any single event triggers a disproportionate reaction.
- The first thing you need to know how to recognize is that this internal emotion, this discomfort and that bad feeling, is something that is being created in your environment.
- A negative emotion not only creates negative thoughts, but also inappropriate behavior. You need to learn how to see it, how to perceive that a battle is being waged within you.
How to just listen—and act later
You’re already aware of what happens to you and what you’re causing around you. The focus of this problem should not be at home, and it’s not at work either: it’s in your mind.
- Sometimes you can’t change the behavior of a person or a group of people. In this case, the coworker isn’t going to change. Their personality is the way it is, and they’ve always been critical and spread rumors.
- When you’re unable to change anything negative about your environment, you are the one who needs to change the way it affects your emotions.
- You don’t have to try to avoid giving it the importance it deserves or act like nothing affects you. Try to exercise a little “control.” Overpower your negative emotions so they don’t dominate you and turn your life into a living hell.
- Whatever controls you makes you captive and strips away your quality of life. This is something that you should never allow.
You need to calm your anger and be assertive, peaceful, and in balance, telling that person that their behavior is not appropriate. Just because a person is capable of regulating their emotions doesn’t mean that they can’t act.
Once you’ve made it clear to the source of your anger and pain that their behavior is not appropriate, you can rationalize all the negative emotions that remain inside you.
- Those criticisms don’t apply to me because they don’t define me. Those offenses don’t hurt me: I know who I am, I protect my self-esteem.
- Whatever a particular person thinks of me is their opinion, part of their universe in its particular and limited sphere, but it doesn’t define who I am in my world. Therefore I will proceed to deactivate all my anger and negative emotions. I’m free.
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Anger feeds off of negative emotions, controlling them and managing them. Don’t forget that these strategies are also well-suited for children.
The sooner you begin to understand their emotions, the better. Teach them to just listen, remain calm and stand strong.