Both with the end of a relationship and the passing of a loved one, it is necessary that we give ourselves time to heal our wounds. To do so, the key is managing the pain well.
Pain is a process of emotional adaptation that occurs after a loss. It involves facing the fact that we will not see this person again, and accepting that it is a process.
Knowing how to manage the pain will allow you to get past your pain successfully.
Today, we will discover how to manage pain well.
Stages of pain
To manage pain well, you have to keep in mind the stages that you are going to go through. It is not worth skipping one of them or staying in one because you are scared of the next stage. If you want to move on from the situation, you have to open and close every stage until the end.
1. Denial. We refuse to accept the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. By doing so, we are avoiding having to feel the actual pain.
2. Anger. Reality weighs on us and it is hitting us hard, making us angry in every situation. We may look for someone to blame to make them responsible for it.
3. Hope. Despite everything, we harbor a small amount of hope that we will see this person again or that we will fix any broken ties (give the relationship a second chance).
4. Sadness. However, reality catches up with us. This is when we realize that there is definitely no hope. This causes a deep sadness.
5. Acceptance. Once we have cried and let all of our sadness out, we embrace reality and accept what has happened. This lets us move on.
Every step has a reason. However, if you hold on to one of the stages and impede the natural flow to the next one, you will probably be faced with more problems.
Fear and insecurity are our greatest enemies
Fear and insecurity are the two emotions that can stall the grieving process. This is because the desire to control the situation and to not lose everything that you had worked on up until that moment can lead you to spend too much time in the anger stage (for example).
The desire to look for culprits or to only see the bad in situations, can cause you to feel like victims of circumstance. Likewise, staying hopeful for no reason because you’re afraid of being alone can keep you from living your life because you’re always waiting.
You also have to be extremely careful with sadness: in this stage, you have to let yourself cry and express your feelings. If you don’t, depression might come knocking at your door.
Managing the pain well starts with managing your emotions
Typically, no one has taught us how to manage our emotions. Because of that, we often don’t express how we feel, which causes us to “explode” at the worst time possible. We also don’t cry when we need to, which could end up resulting in depression.
It’s necessary to start listening to your emotions, especially during a time of pain. However, above all else, it’s important that you know yourself. Grieving is a painful process, but if it’s carried out well, it can also be a time for self discovery.
Knowing how to deal with your fears, facing our insecurities and being conscious of our attempts to dodge pain can be extremely enriching. By doing so, you will know when is the right time to move on to the next step of grieving and you will have no reason to be afraid.
Sooner or later, the next step will come, but it’s your decision whether or not you stay for a while in the previous stage. You can be sad for months or find yourself in a depression that lasts for years because you were not able to manage your pain well, affecting your emotions and even your well-being.
Open your eyes, be critical and ask yourself a lot of questions. Seek professional help that can help guide you through the process. It will definitely be a great help.
“Grief does not change you, it reveals you.”