I Love Him, But I Don’t Desire Him Like Before

· August 15, 2017
Instead of focusing on the negative, we need to put forth the effort to bring back our desire. This means putting your routines aside and reigniting the flame.

I love my partner, but I don’t know why the passion has diminished, and I don’t desire him as before. What can I do? Is this the end of my relationship?

I’m sure that you have found yourself in this dilemma. You’ve been with him awhile, you’re crazy about him, but it’s all changed.

Habits and routine have had this effect on you sex life. The novelty has worn off, the spark has gone out, and you are beginning to think that the relationship is about to end.

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However, don’t be upset. The decrease in desire for sex is something that is totally natural. This does not imply that that relationship is going badly.

I don’t desire him like before. Don’t panic!

When I don’t desire my partner as before, it could be that my mind is causing me to feel desperate, thinking of ways to go back to the beginning.

However, as we well know, going back to the past is impossible. Thinking like this occurs frequently.

Sometimes, we use memories from the past to throw in the face of our partner. We tell him the things he did before that he is no longer doing.

Although, if we act like this, it is not really helping the situation.

In our society, we’ve been taught that when things change it is time to go into “drama mode.” This is a negative and over assertive way to make things change.

 Read: Avoid ruining your relationship with your partner

We aren’t aware that changes aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, the lack of desire allows us to establish a new goal.  This is a similar adjustment as living together or having children.

It is not really different from that. The problem is that we have exaggerated the meaning of having sex in a relationship. Because of this, we don’t conduct ourselves in a very good way.

Then we end up blaming the other person and causing more tension.

The reason why I don’t desire him anymore

Before getting into the “drama mode” it’s important to analyze the possible reasons why sexual relations have taken a sharp decline.

There are many possibilities. Being sincere with ourselves will avoid damaging the relationship, as well as hurting ourselves and the other person.

Read: Indications to find out if our relationship is no longer functioning

For this, let’s look at some issues that you can or cannot identify with. We repeat: it’s important that you are sincere with yourself.

  • I don’t desire him as before because I feel secure in maintaining some habits and some routines. Behind all of this is a great fear of change.
  • I’ve stopped doing little sweet things for my partner or showing him in small ways how much I love him. He already knows this!
  • There is a lot of stress in my life with work and the economy that puts me in a bad mood. My partner is oblivious to all of my frustration.
  • There are problems that I’ve decided not to face. This includes little or no communication with my partner. He is always working, and he has been unfaithful.
  • Actually, I no longer love him, but I am with my partner because I feel comfortable and I am afraid to look for someone else.

Denial is the first reaction to the issues with your relationship. Nevertheless, this is not helpful, and this reaction is not solving the problem.

Going to therapy

In spite of the previous suggestions, if the couple can’t solve their problems of lack of passion themselves, it may be important to consult a therapist.

However, it’s important to do work ahead of time.

What are we referring to?

We need to stop blaming the other person for the situation.  What we should do is open our eyes and not hide ourselves behind our own point of view.  We need to be open to the other’s perspective.

As mentioned, denial is the reaction that we should put aside.

Don’t miss: When should I go to a therapist with my partner?

Knowing all of this, should we begin to leave behind the comfort of the routine and include changes?  How about new things that give life to the relationship?

Should we relax and hope that the sparks come from nowhere?