I Love Him, But I Don't Desire Him Like I Used To

21 February, 2019
If you don’t desire him anymore, instead of focusing on the negative, make an effort to revive it. This means putting your routines aside and reigniting the flame.

I love my partner, but I don’t know why the passion has gone away, and I don’t desire him like I used to. What can I do? Is this the end of my relationship?

I’m sure that you’ve found yourself in this dilemma before. You’ve been with your partner for a awhile and you’re crazy about them, but it’s all changed.

Habits and routine have this effect on sex life. The novelty has worn off, the spark has gone out, and this makes you begin to think that the relationship is about to end.

Read: 5 Tricks to Enhance Sexual Desire

However, don’t be upset. A decrease in sexual desire is something that’s totally natural. And this doesn’t imply that your relationship is going badly.

If you don’t desire him like before, don’t panic!

A woman afraid because she's thinking "I don't desire him like I used to".

When you don’t desire your partner as before, it could be that your mind is making you feel desperate, thinking of ways to go back to the beginning. However, as we well know, going back to the past is impossible.

Sometimes, we use memories from the past and throw them at our partner’s face. We tell them the things they did before that they’re no longer doing. However, doing this doesn’t help at all.

Society teaches us that when things change, it’s time to go into “drama mode”. This is a negative and over-assertive way to make things change.

 This article may also interest you: Asexuality: A Complete Lack of Sexual Desire

We aren’t aware that changes aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, the lack of desire allows us to establish a new goal. This is a similar adjustment as living together or having children.

The problem is that we have exaggerated the meaning of having sex in a relationship. Because of this, we don’t conduct ourselves in a very good way. Thus, we end up blaming the other person and causing more tension.

The reason why you don’t desire him anymore

A couple arguing.

Before getting into the “drama mode”, it’s important to analyze the possible reasons why sexual relations have taken a sharp decline.

There are many possibilities. Being sincere with ourselves will avoid damaging the relationship, as well as hurting ourselves and the other person.

Here are some issues you may or may not identify with:

  • I don’t desire him as I used to because I feel secure in maintaining some habits and some routines. Behind all of this is a great fear of change.
  • I’ve stopped doing little sweet things for my partner or showing him in small ways how much I love him. He already knows this!
  • There’s a lot of stress in my life with work and the economy that puts me in a bad mood. My partner is oblivious to all my frustration.
  • There are problems that I’ve decided not to face. This includes little or no communication with my partner. He’s always working, and he’s been unfaithful.
  • Actually, I no longer love him, but I’m with my partner because I feel comfortable and I am afraid to look for someone else.

Denial is the first reaction to relationship issues. Nevertheless, this isn’t helpful, and this reaction won’t solve the problem.


A couple in sexual therapy.

In spite of the previous suggestions, if the couple can’t solve their problems of lack of passion themselves, it may be important to consult a therapist. However, it’s important to do work ahead of time.

What are we referring to? We need to stop blaming the other person for the situation. What we should do is open our eyes and not hide ourselves behind our own point of view. We need to be open to the other’s perspective. As we mentioned, we shouldn’t go into denial.

Should we begin to leave behind the comfort of the routine and start making changes? How about new things that give life to the relationship? Should we relax and hope that the sparks come from nowhere?