“Let’s Start Over.” Are You Sure You Want to Take the Risk?
Can we really resist blaming the other person for everything? Are we truly able to avoid doing the same out of revenge? Let's answer all this with true honesty and without judging ourselves for it.
Do you want to start over in your relationship?
Starting from zero in a relationship is something that we sometimes want to do. This may either be because we ask the other person to start ove,r or because both members of the relationship have reached that agreement.
However, we may not be aware of the risks that this entails.
When we decide to start from zero, we do it with great enthusiasm; however, everything we have experienced with that person and that has led us to wish to start over the relationship will not disappear.
Starting from scratch will not make you forget
We may want to start from scratch with our partner because we’ve been unfaithful, for example, and we promise that we will never do it again.
However, this request may be self-deception.
Do we really know that we won’t make the same mistake again? Are we so afraid of breaking up that we lie to our partner and ourselves?
We have to keep in mind that in reality, we can never truly start from scratch. Naturally, this won’t make the other person forget what happened.
What usually happens in most cases is that the other person agrees. However, over time, they become cold and distant. This is because they can’t trust again.
Therefore, we have to be fully aware of the risks involved in wanting to start from scratch in a relationship. In reality, there is no “start from zero” like we desire..
Now, we’re no longer two strangers who don’t know anything about each other. We’ve gone through certain experiences that will continue there and that we can’t forget.
This can lead to resentment. The relationship may not progress and, instead of going forward, we may be growing distant.
Are you willing to forgive?
Taking into account the above, if we really want to start from scratch we must be very sure of the step we are going to take.
As we have said, it’s possible for a person to agree to start a relationship from zero. However, that doesn’t really leave behind all resentment, distrust, and any bad taste that may have left that bad experience.
Forgiving the other person can be very difficult if they’ve been unfaithful, mistreated us, behaved in a way that made us lose our confidence.
For that reason, it’s important that we cleanse all these emotions and leave them behind. That way, we don’t throw them in the face of our partner or negatively affect the new opportunity that we’re giving ourselves.
Don’t force anything. In case we find it impossible to do this, we have to be honest and say “no” to starting from zero.
This way, we’ll avoid harming ourselves, the other person, and making the relationship very destructive for both of us.
Drop the blindfold
If we can be aware of all the above, be honest with ourselves and say “No, I can’t start from scratch because you hurt me and I can’t continue as if it meant nothing,” then we will drop the blindfold.
Many couples who want to start from zero do so based on illusion, hope, and unrealistic expectations.
They don’t take into account that they still feel pain, that they need time to heal and that, as a result of the negative experiences lived, their relationship is completely broken.
However, it’s hard for us to assume that our relationship has failed. So we try to the impossible, knowing deep down what the true result will be.
It’s not necessary to do so much damage. It’s true that there will be people who can start from scratch because they can truly forgive. However, this is not something simple that everyone can do.
Can we really resist blaming the other person for everything? Are we truly able to avoid doing the same out of revenge? Let’s answer all this with true honesty and without judging ourselves for it.