Leave an Unfit Partner and Take Control of Your Life

· April 29, 2017
The only way to take back the control of your own life is to recognize your worth and put yourself first in your decisions. Recognize that the actions of your abusive partner don't define your worth, then move on.

There are two things that should always be on the same page: your heart and your head. Loving an unfit partner and knowing that you’ll have to leave them someday is hard. This is especially true when there’s no part of you that wants to leave.

Is your life is being taken over by those invasive thoughts in the middle of the night? Additionally, is it making it hard to sleep?

Unfortunately, this happens when loving that person turns into a drug. Even when you know that you don’t deserve how your abusive or unfit partner is treating you.

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Are You With an Abusive or Unfit Partner?

Maybe you’ve had a moment where you realized your relationship was going nowhere.

Woman and man on couch upset unfit partner

When a relationship is one-sided, and you give everything for the person you love without receiving the same back, you better take back control.

The first step is to give yourself the importance you deserve.

If you ask yourself what you did to deserve this, you won’t get anywhere. If you’ve gone through violent situations, you probably feel some guilt. It is possible that you feel like the other person is blaming you.

Maybe you have even defended them tooth and nail to your friends and family because you think you’ll be able to change them at some point.

You naively justify their behavior or attribute it to them “having a bad day” (even if every day seems to be a bad day for them). You might stay with them in spite of everything because you love them. However, if you’re with an abusive or unfit partner, it’s important to realize this as soon as possible.

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Forget the Past, Forget Guilt

Maybe you don’t care that your friends keep telling you what you already know but don’t want to admit: you deserve better.

Your mind just tries to avoid dealing with difficult feelings like sadness and pain, even if it’s just postponing the inevitable.

It doesn’t matter how many times you thought you were going to be the perfect couple or that you were meant to spend the rest of your lives together.

However, as time goes on, you’ll inevitably realize what’s going on. Furthermore, sooner or later, you’ll understand that love without reciprocity doesn’t get very far.

It’s normal to feel nostalgic after you see things for how they are and start taking control of your life.

Those longing feelings are usually based on the good memories you shared with that person. However, whether you like it or not, those memories in the past.

What’s important is that you stop feeling guilty for what you did or what you think you did wrong.

Take Control of Your Life by Getting Closure

Couple talking unfit partner

Understand that your goals change as you get older, just like your partner’s goals change. If your goals go in different directions, the relationship usually ends.

It doesn’t have to make you angry. After all, it doesn’t mean either of you has failed. Maybe you thought you were in love, but it just wasn’t meant to be.

People aren’t always going to be around, but memories do last and you get to choose if you keep the good ones or the bad ones.

We should clarify that taking back control of your life doesn’t mean you erase all memories of the person you loved.

Years later, your mind will probably bring up certain memories once in a while. However, this doesn’t mean your decision to leave was a bad one.

On the contrary, it will give you the chance to see that it was the best thing you could’ve done.

To keep these memories from negatively affecting you, you have to properly get closure.

Some people just need some time alone, while others need the help of a psychologist or the symbolism of a break-up ritual. Do whatever works for you.

Taking Control of Your Life Requires Taking Responsibility

Unfit partner hands sun

We can assure you that once you understand how important it is to take back control in all areas of your life, you’ll realize that it’s not about assigning blame.

Additionally, you’ll understand that you can take this as an opportunity to learn a big life lesson. Furthermore, each and every life lesson you learn will define you.

If certain people had never come into your life, maybe you still wouldn’t understand what exactly you deserve and what things aren’t worth fighting for.

Going through this whole process is something that will really help you take control. In addition, you’ll realize that the most important relationship in your life is with yourself. When you finally understand that, a world of possibilities opens up.

Take back control of your life, value yourself above others, and give yourself the chance to be the best version of yourself. Finally, get the closure and support you need to finally move on from an abusive or unfit partner.

  • Hendrick, S. S. (1988). A generic measure of relationship satisfaction. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 93-98.