Is Your Partner Controlling? Know the Signs

· June 4, 2018
You really should learn how to recognize if your partner is controlling. It's a trait that signals low self-esteem and insecurity that can cause jealousy, violence, insecurity in you and a general lack of trust.

For the most part, the characteristics of controlling people are apparent from the first moments of getting to know them.

The reason why we often fail to see them is because they seem so charming when we’re falling in love.

You really should learn how to recognize if your partner is controlling. It’s a trait that signals low self-esteem and insecurity that can cause jealousy, violence, insecurity in you and a general lack of trust.

Keep on reading and discover the characteristics of controlling people. If you realize that you’re dating a controlling person, you should think about ending the relationship or helping them solve the problem.

1. No consideration for your opinion

your partner is controlling

Finding out that your partner prepared a special dinner or took the time to the must-try dish at a restaurant to treat you to is always a pleasant surprise.

However, if he or she is always choosing for you or calling the shots without consulting you first, your partner is definitely controlling.

Sometimes, this sort of attitude might be a result of your partner’s culture. There are still a lot of chauvinist places out there that expect men to “take care” of their partner.

If your partner’s controlling attitude stems from cultural reasons, take the time to talk with him or her and explain that it makes you uncomfortable. Generally, in these types of cases, a conversation can help resolve the conflict.

You’d have a bigger problem if your partner simplyrefuses to see the conflict or need to change.

Also see: Don’t Let Internal Conflicts Lead to External Issues

2. Questioning your whereabouts and meetings

Controlling people can’t stand the idea of losing control over what their partners do. So, if your partner is controlling, he or she might call you every few hours or send you messages to ask where you are, with who and why.

As harmless as checking-in might seem, it’s actually unhealthy behavior. You have to remember that your partner is only just another part of your life and that you’re not obligated to explain more than the necessary.

While it’s fine to tell your partner that you’re going to see your friends, or taking a trip out of the city, you should never feel like you have to explain more than you want to.

In the same manner, you also don’t have the right to pressure your partner for their detailed agenda.

3. Destructive criticism

Destructive criticism

Dishing out destructively criticism is characteristic of controlling people. They look for ways to feel better about themselves at the cost of hurting those around them.

In destructive criticism, you might notice:

  • Use of extremely hurtful comments that aim to make you feel bad.
  • They criticize your decisions, water down your success or simply criticize your physical appearance.

We recommend that you read: How to Deal with Criticism

4. For your partner, there’s no such thing as “privacy”

Another symptom of a controlling personality is the incessant need to check your phone, computer and belongings 

Most of the time, these are checks to see if you’re cheating or lying in some sort of way, shape or form.

Some controlling people don’t even let their partner close the door while they change or take a shower.

If you try to object, your partner might tell you that he or she acts out of love and only got a little carried away. You should recover that control and set limits, the sooner the better.

5. Dislike of your friends and family, making you drift away from them

Dislike of your friends and family

If you have a controlling partner, he or she will want all of your attention. Remember that controlling people are people with self-esteem issues, which is why they’ll set out for that attention that they need.

This symptom starts with small things, like negative comments about your friends and family. In time, they’ll push you to cancel plans until your entire life revolves around them.

Remember that your family and friends are vital for a healthy, balanced life. We all need social relationships because we’re social beings.

Sure, you might not like some of the people in your partner’s circle and your partner might not get along with all of your friends. However, that should not mean, in any way, that you have to end all of your relationships just to please the other.

If you don’t like his or her friends, but they’re not a bad influence, just limit the number of times you hang out with them. The same goes for your partner.

Be realistic if your partner is controlling

Do you notice these characteristics in your romantic relationship? If so, consider if change is a possibility.

Sometimes, it’s just better to distance ourselves from the person that we love because, as a partner, they hurt us.