Is Your Marriage Over? How to Know for Sure
Ending a marriage is a difficult decision. This is a point that no couple ever wants to face, and that's why it's difficult to know it for sure. However, there are some signs you shouldn't overlook when making the decision to end your relationship.
It’s difficult and discouraging to realize that your marriage is over and that there’s no solution for your problems. After all, you’re thinking about ending what was once a source of dreams of happiness. You were hoping it would last forever.
There are many ways and formulas to save a marriage. However, there are times when it’s best to accept reality: you’re not right for each other. As hard it might be, this means it’s time to go on separate paths and move forward.
About 50% of couples who marry for the first time end up divorced, according to divorce statistics. The reasons range from financial problems to sexual incompatibilities. Yet it all leads to the same sad ending: divorce.
How to Know Your Marriage Has no Solution?
There are ups and downs in every marriage. Of course, the idea to separate only comes to mind when there are conflicts. However, when certain other aspects improve, such thoughts seem out of place. Thus, sometimes it’s difficult to discern whether a problem is a serious one or if it has no solution.
Deep down, nobody wants to be the one who suggests breaking up a relationship. They don’t want the responsibility for something so painful. Many consequences arise from such a decision, beginning with the division of material things a couple may have built together. It also involves deciding how they’re to spend time with their children (if they have them). It’s also about making sure their children are healthy, safe and happy above anything else.
There are bad streaks in every relationship, so it’s normal. HOwever, when they’re constant, the idea of divorce begins to take shape.
If this sounds familiar, Shellie Warren, a marriage therapist, recommends a few actions before doing so.
Consult a Marriage Counselor
- Seek couple’s therapy.
- Talk to your partner about the needs and concerns you have regarding your relationship.
- Spend more time together and claim more private time.
- Recognize your own mistakes and try to change them.
- Understand that your partner can be wrong.
However, there are times when the signals are clear. They show there isn’t a good reason to stay together.
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1. A Marriage Has no Solution if there’s Abuse
Be it physically or verbally, if you feel abused then you shouldn’t take it. Perhaps you don’t know it, but abusive behavior doesn’t go away once it starts.
If there is any form of abuse in your relationship, you must leave it for your health and safety.
2. Toxic Relationships
A harmful or toxic relationship is sometimes difficult to recognize. This is because the damage is sometimes very subtle. Thus, if you feel contempt from their part, verbal abuse, lack of empathy, constant criticism and lack of consideration, then you may be in a toxic relationship.
3. Lack of Honesty is a Sign that Your Marriage Has no Solution
Trust is the foundation of a good relationship.
When cheating happens, then trust goes out of the door. Similarly, infidelity is a sign of little interest in building a healthy relationship.
Yes, you can forgive and overcome it, as long as it doesn’t happen again. However, if the experience was surrounded by lies, then you should think about whether or not you feel safe trusting your partner in the future.
Even with love and empathy, addictive behaviors will, sooner than later, harm your relationship. This is because addictions are often stronger than anything else.
The consequences are incalculable. So, seek counseling if this is the case with you.
Read also: Seven Things that Destroy Relationships
Less Obvious Signs that Your Marriage Has no Solution
There are other circumstances in which the way forward isn’t all too clear. In these cases, you may feel that divorce is imminent, but your doubts won’t let you act upon it.
If so, you can look for some signs these signs that’ll show you that perhaps your marriage should end.
When one loses respect for the other, the relationship gets very complicated. If one has contempt for the other and feels they’re beneath them, then their feelings will never change.
John Gottman, one of the most recognized psychologists, believes that contempt is one of the “Four Horsemen.“
6. You Long for Your Former Single Life
If you constantly think you’d be better alone or imagine yourself with another person in the future, then this is a sign that you don’t have a satisfactory situation.
Thus, it’s a sign that you should get out of your marriage.
7. Constant Fighting
Differences are normal in marriages. After all, living together is very difficult.
However, when there’s love, there’s also tolerance. If each conversation you have ended in an argument, then that tolerance is gone. There may even be a need to discharge some internal anger against each other. Obviously, that’s bad for any relationship.
8. Constant Criticism
If you don’t see anything good in your partner or vice versa, it’s because criticism has taken over your relationship.
Constructive criticism can be valuable, as long as you see the positive too. But when criticism is vicious, then many other things break as well
9. Constant Blaming
Faults are supposed to be shared in any relationship. However, when your spouse blames you for everything, they’re probably highly resentful and angry towards you. This is a form of contempt that you should discuss it with a marriage counselor.
Perhaps you can fix it, but if it persists, then it might be time to end your marriage.
10. Lack of Physical Contact
Sexual intercourse and physical closeness is an important part of a relationship. In fact, it isn’t complete without it. If, in addition to several of these other symptoms, there’s no other sign of affection such as kissing and hugging, then it may mean that the interest is gone.
However, it’s important to remember that this is not about “using” one another for sex. You should want to have sex with your spouse and they should want to with you. If this isn’t the case, then it’s time to put an end to it.
Don’t Give Up Early
Do make sure to extensively explore all possible paths if you still want to save your relationship.
However, keep in mind there are certain things you shouldn’t tolerate. No matter what, marriage counseling is an appropriate course of action.
However, if your feelings of distress don’t get better after time and work, then it’s time to make a final decision.