It might not sound very romantic, but the truth is that we don’t need to cling ourselves onto someone else in order to be happy.
I can be with or without you, and there’s no reason for my happiness to change.
Remember, I choose to be with you; I don’t depend on you. I don’t need you to be happy. However, most importantly, I choose to not own you, but rather, give you wings so that you can fly to find your own happiness.
We all can probably think up an idea of all those couples who do everything together once their relationship. They know each other’s friends and they share the same interests– even the ones that used to be just one of theirs’.
The only problem is thatover time, one of them will say “I feel overwhelmed“, “I don’t have any personal space”, or “I can’t do anything by myself.”
Remember: we all need our personal space where even our partner can’t enter. As much as we may love them, we don’t need to turn into the same person.
What’s more is that people who are in romantic relationships have different likes and interests. We don’t need to share them to see if the other person will like it or not.
Of course, sharing common ground is important and necessary. However, doing everything together and wanting to have the same interests and tastes is an expectation that’s be very difficult to meet.
So, it’s important for both members to both never feel alone while maintaining their individuality.
Without you I’m nothing
When I leave my individuality to the side and believe that my partner and I are one, I don’t even consider the prospect of “with our without you” because I believe that without you, I don’t exist. I’m dead.
This kind of thinking tends to be present in people who suffer from emotional dependence. The actual love of the couple and the way in which we understand it creates a dependence for the other person.
We have to continue following our dreams and keep on doing the things that we like, even if our partner doesn’t partake in them.
We need to continue being individuals even though we share a life with someone else because we’re different. We’ve chosen to share our life, but we’re different.
We’re in a relationship to become more, not less.
If I depend on my partner, if I believe that I’m nothing without them, then my partner isn’t building me up. Instead of helping me grow, he or she makes me smaller. I become somebody who is worthless on their own.
That’s why with or without you, I have to do what I want to do. I need to do what I long to do and what’ll allow me to grow and develop as a person. Limiting ourselves just because we’re in a relationship would truly be a shame.
With or without you, I’ll keep growing
It wouldn’t matter if one day, a job offer in a different country threatened to separate us. Nor would it be a problem if you didn’t want to come with me for whatever reason. With or without you, I’m going to follow my dream and what I like doing.
There’ll be a lot of hardships throughout our relationship, but none of them will make me give up who I am. If I stop being me and if you become the reason for my life, what would happen if or when what we have comes to an end?
I’d be lost, I wouldn’t know who I am nor how to recover, meaning that it’d be a hard and painstaking path. It’s a path that I don’t have to take.
None of this means that you don’t matter nor that I don’t care about the relationship. What I mean is that I want to keep on being me, even when I’m with you.
I won’t stop doing what I like doing. I won’t let opportunities pass me by because I’m with you. If I become less, I won’t grow, I won’t move forward and I’ll stall. Who I am will die.
The truth is that we learn about an unrealistic love that’s full of pain from depending on the other person. We learn about relationships where couples have to become the same person. However, we need to fight for ourselves to keep our individuality.
We can’t loose ourselves in the presence of the other person and we can’t forget who we are. We always have to stand strong so that, if it all ends, we can keep on going.
Before going, don’t miss out on: What’s the Ideal Type of Love?