I Don't Have Friends: 7 Possible Reasons and Tips

Lots of people feel worried that they don't have enough friends. Here are some possible causes and tips to overcome this situation.
I Don't Have Friends: 7 Possible Reasons and Tips

Last update: 10 September, 2021

Many people, at some point in their life, wonder: “Why don’t I have friends?”

This causes concern because humans are social and need relationships to guarantee their survival and well-being.

The answer to this question is more complex than it seems since there are several reasons why people might have trouble making friends. However, in this article, we’ll show you the most common ones and some tips to deal with them.

Possible reasons why you may not have friends

To establish solid and lasting friendships, it’s important to identify what’s stopping them. These can be internal (like your personality or who you are) and external (circumstances or context).

If you’re one of those people who ask the question “Why don’t I have friends?” we’ll show you some possible causes that will help you figure it out.

1. Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem prevents people from seeing us as valuable. In these cases, constantly comparing ourselves with others and feeling like we aren’t enough is very common.

This feeling of inferiority prevents us from trying to be intimate with others, making us feel isolated and lonely.

A woman walking away from bad friends.

2. Shyness

Shy people feel anxious and uncomfortable in social situations. So, they stop being with and interacting with others.

Even if they try to feel more comfortable interacting with others, they voluntarily isolate themselves.

3. Inappropriate attitudes

There are a series of attitudes that alienate others and prevent us from forming lasting bonds. For example, some of them are:

  • Intolerance
  • Playing the victim
  • Pride or feeling of superiority
  • Selfishness
  • Low tolerance for frustration
  • Violent reactions

4. Carelessness or lack of time

It’s common for the hectic pace of life to separate us from friends or the change to form new relationships. Sometimes, it happens when we don’t even realize it.

In addition, we tend to put friends aside when we’re with a partner. This is a mistake that you should avoid. You need to cultivate friendships so you don’t lose them over time.

5. Preference

Some people enjoy being alone. They prefer to make plans and activities without other people, and it’s not a bad thing. It’s simply a way of being.

However, you need to remember that interactions and relationships are healthy, too.

6. Psychological problems

There are lots of psychological conditions that make it hard to establish close relationships, like social phobia, depression, mythomania, and personality disorders. If you have a history with any of them, it’s important to take them into account and go to a professional.

7. Situational difficulties

Several contexts make it hard to establish social ties, such as living in a remote area, working at home, moving a lot, etc. If you relate to any of these, you need to identify what you can do to make the situation better.

Helpful tips for learning to make friends

If you don’t want to say “I have no friends” anymore, take note of the following tips. These will help you establish long, quality relationships.

1. Go out to meet other people

If you don’t get along well with the people you know, you need to go out and meet new people. There are lots of people out there that want to find someone like you.

To do this, you can enroll in leisure activities, like painting, dance, or cooking classes. Also, you can start going to a gym. Go to new places that allow you to interact with others.

2. Identify things you have in common with others

A great way to connect with people is to be aware of the hobbies or interests that you have in common. Then, you can use them to start conversations. Sign up for activities you like, and you’ll find like-minded people. This will make it easier for you to get along with them.

3. Practice empathy

In conversations with others, try to be attentive to their emotions. Remember, a friendship isn’t only about you. It’s important to listen to and respect other people’s feelings.

4. Spend time with your current friends

Friendship needs to be cultivated to be strong and lasting. Every relationship requires attention and care.

Therefore, no matter how busy you are, take some time to send a text message or make a phone call. It doesn’t have to take a long time. Small gestures maintain and strengthen relationships.

5. Change up your routine

If you want to have friends, we recommend that you get out of your comfort zone. To do this, try new things with new people.

Invite your coworkers to see a movie or go out for coffee. Spending time in a new place reinforces relationships.

Friends working in a garden.

6. Change your attitude

As we’ve already seen, the way we behave with others is often a reason why we might not have friends. Therefore, identify what attitudes might make people reject you.

To do this, you can ask someone who knows you and is objective. Talking about your problem is a good way to get to know other points of view.

Additionally, you should know that you probably won’t want to hear it, but it’s necessary to be able to adjust your behavior. A small change in your attitude can change many things. 

7. Get close to others

Another way to have true friends is to take advantage of those bonds you already have and make them more intimate and personal. If you know someone you get along with, invite them out and spend some quality time together. This will help you get to know each other better.

If you don’t have friends, you can make some!

In some cases, you need professional assistance. There are psychological conditions that make it hard to make friends.

If you feel like you’ve tried everything and keep wondering why you don’t have friends, it’s important to consider therapy. You can change things with determination and by acknowledging your limitations.

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