Hug Me So Hard It Crushes My Uncertainty

June 24, 2016
The body releases hormones that help calm us down when we receive a hug. Hugs help us feel safe and they strengthen the ties with our loves ones.

Emotional doubts and the uncertainty of not feeling loved are some of the greatest reasons why people suffer. That’s it’s important to hug people who are special to you.

There’s no specific age people experience this feeling. Every child is equipped with an emotional radar to detect if the love is genuine or not and every adult feels this doubt at some point. However, these fears can slowly break down a person’s inner balance.

Although the most important thing is to love yourself, we should never forget that we are emotional beings that require genuine bonds in order to feel good and be happy. Hugs function as gestures of healing, and every human bond should have them.

Doubts are empty spots in the soul

There are many types of doubts. Some are part of the human condition, and we could even say that they help us grow because we try to fix the emptiness by applying our personal efforts.

Keep these examples in mind:

  • Doubts about career choices.
  • Doubts concerning which friends to keep and which people to distance yourself from.
  • Personal doubts about which interests and disciplines you would like to pursue or master.

We’re referring primarily to those essential unknown things that form a part of your personal growth and allow you to be stronger in terms of skills and values.

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Emotional uncertainty, the most destructive kind

  • You may spend a lot of time with your partners. Those years of stability and happiness may go by, when suddenly, uncertainty appears.
  • The not knowing if your partner still loves you.
  • Perceiving that the magic — some complicity — has been lost. For example, if you’ve fallen into a routine, to the point that you take everything for granted, even love.

All these are clear enemies to compromise and the stability of the relationship.

child-doubt

Keep one thing in mind: emotional doubts are not exclusive to couples. As mentioned at the beginning, it’s a psychological dimension that every child and adult must experience.

  • For children, it can be rather traumatic. The little one that doesn’t feel loved and connected to their parents with a strong emotional bond develops insecurities and a low self-esteem.

In general, the long-term psychological impact can be really serious.

It’s important to reinforce your relationships daily by cultivating the bond with your loved ones, with your partners and children. A great way to do so is by exercising this generous act that needs no words — hugs.

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Hugs as therapeutic agents

heart-beat-glow

Emotional voids are held in the heart. The pain of doubts, of not knowing, the fear of abandonment, loneliness, become part of the body and a brain that’s stressed can produce changes in the body and emotions.

Hugs and oxytocin

To understand the most positive effect of hugs, we’ll give you an example. Imagine a couple that has become distant with one another over the course of several weeks. Work, raising children, and worry have caused their relationship to go down.

  • Doubts and the fear of finding out that you’re not loved by your partners changes the biochemistry of the brain. Levels of cortisol, dopamine and norepinephrine increase… This can become a very dangerous episode of stress.
  • According to several studies, like the one published in News in Health”, hugs completely turn the brain chemistry around.
  • In this example, if the couple were to stop looking into each others’ eyes and hug at each other intensely and genuinely, then there will be no need to use words. Instantly, the brain will reward them with a surge of oxytocin, the hormone of affection, compassion and love. Hugs reinforce bonds.

We’re programmed to recognize a hug as a symbol of well being

A hug that connects poeple

All of us, as a species, instinctively recognize that hugs are good for us. In fact, the brain produces endorphins and oxytocin when we hug each other.

  • Skin contact,  kind words, and intense and genuine hugs are cathartic gestures that relieve fears, doubts, stress and anxiety.
  • They also improve your physical and emotional health in a way that no drug can match because they join us together and nourish the umbilical cord of love and recognition.
  • It’s necessary to sow “simple acts of reciprocity.” An unexpected hug can catch us for a few minutes and make the world seem as though it’s stopped.

A few hours playing with our children and making them laugh are simple acts that create entire universes. So… How many hugs have you given today? It may not be enough…

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Altschul, I., Lee, S. J., & Gershoff, E. T. (2016). Hugs, Not Hits: Warmth and Spanking as Predictors of Child Social Competence. Journal of Marriage and Family. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12306

Hendel, H. J. (2015). The healing power of hugs. The New York Times.