Hug Me So Hard It Crushes My Uncertainty

· June 24, 2016
The body releases hormones that help calm us down when we receive a hug. Hugs help us feel safe and they strengthen the ties with our loves ones.

Emotional doubts and the uncertainty of not feeling loved are some of the greatest sources of human suffering.

There’s no specific age people experience this feeling. Every child is equipped with an emotional radar to detect if the love is genuine or not and every adult feels this doubt at some point. But, these fears can slowly break down a person’s inner balance.

Although the most important thing is to love yourself, we mustn’t forget that we are emotional beings that require genuine bonds in order to feel good and be happy.

Hugs function as healing gestures, and no human connection should be without them.

Doubts are empty spots in the soul

There are many types of doubts. Some are part of the human condition, and we could even say that they help us grow because we try to fix the emptiness by applying our personal efforts.

Keep these examples in mind:

  • Doubts about career choices.
  • Doubts concerning which friends to keep and which people to distance ourselves from.
  • Personal doubts about which interests and disciplines we would like to pursue or master.

We’re referring primarily to those essential unknowns that form a part of our personal growth and allow us to be stronger in terms of skills and values. We’re talking about those.

You should read: Sometimes Being Alone is the Price You Pay for Freedom

Emotional uncertainty, the most destructive kind

  • We may spend a lot of time with our partners, years of stability and happiness may go by, when suddenly, it appears: uncertainty.
  • The not knowing if our partners still want us.
  • Perceiving that the magic has been lost, some complicity. For example, if you’ve fallen into a routine, to the point that we take everything for granted, even love.

All these are clear enemies to compromise and the stability of the relationship.


Keep in mind one thing: emotional doubts are not exclusive to couples. As we mentioned at the beginning, it’s a psychological dimension that every child and adult must experience.

  • For children, it can be rather traumatic. The little one that doesn’t feel loved and connected to their parents with a strong emotional bond develops insecurities and low self-esteem.

In general, the psychological impact that this can have over the long term is really serious.

It’s important to reinforce our relationships daily, cultivating the bond with our loved ones, with our partners and children. A great way to do so is by exercising this generous act that needs no words.


Don’t miss: 9 Activities to Improve Your Relationship

Hugs as therapeutic agents


Emotional voids are held in the heart. The pain of doubts, of not knowing, the fear of abandonment, loneliness, become part of the body and a brain suffering from stress can produce changes in the body and emotions.

Hugs and oxytocin

To understand the most positive effect of hugs, we’ll give you an example. Imagine a couple that has become distant with one another over the course of several weeks. Work, the responsibility of raising children, and worry have caused their relationship to cool.

  • Doubts and the fear of discovering we’re not loved by our partners changes the biochemistry of the brain. Levels of cortisol, dopamine and norepinephrine are all elevated… This can become a very dangerous episode of stress.
  • According to several studies, like the one published in News in Health”, hugs completely turn this brain chemistry around.
  • In this example, if the couple were to stop, look into each others’ eyes and hug each other intensely and genuinely, words wouldn’t be necessary. Instantly, the brain will reward them with a surge of oxytocin, the hormone of affection, compassion and love.

Hugs reinforce bonds.

We’re programmed to recognize hugs as a symbol of well being


All of us, as a species, instinctively recognize that hugs are good for us. In fact, the brain rewards us with endorphins and oxytocin.

Also read: Sometimes All You Need Is a Caring Touch

  • Skin contact, a touch, kind words, and intense and genuine hugs are cathartic gestures that relieve fears, doubts, stress and anxiety.
  • They also work on our physical and emotional health in a way that no drug can match because they join us together and nourish the umbilical cord of love and recognition.
  • It’s necessary to sow “simple acts of reciprocity.” An unexpected hug can catch us for a few minutes and make the world seem as though it’s stopped.

A few hours playing with our kids and making them laugh are simple acts that create entire universes.

So… How many hugs have you given today? It may not be enough…