How to Regain Your Self-esteem After a Break-up

January 2, 2020
A break-up can seriously affect your self-esteem. For this reason, it is a good idea to know how to deal with it and what to do to overcome it. Learn how to regain your self-esteem.

Ending a relationship can be painful, so here are some tips to help you learn how to regain your self-esteem after a break-up.

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If the relationship was long or toxic, or the break-up was not mutual, it’s likely that your self-esteem has been somewhat affected. You’ll need a considerable amount of time to grieve in order to recover.

Regain your self-esteem after a break-up

First of all, it’s important to understand what self-esteem is since this is a word that you may hear frequently. Psychology dictionaries often define self-esteem as the assessment we make of ourselves.

In other words, self-esteem encompasses all those perceptions, feelings, thoughts and evaluations we constantly submit to. Some studies indicate that:

“Self-esteem is a self-assessment. This perception and evaluation can be positive or negative and pleasant or unpleasant.”

If you suffer from low self-esteem, it can be nearly impossible to be stable on an emotional level since the first step to achieving this is to accept ourselves.

Woman with self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the assessment we make of ourselves. Furthermore, it encompasses the thoughts and evaluations to which we constantly submit.

How to know if a break-up has affected your self-esteem

Once a relationship ends, you could end up in a situation where you experience quite a bit of emotional distress. However, this doesn’t have to mean the end of something else in our life. That being said, it’s also valid to recognize whether what you’re going through right now is a relationship crisis or a definitive break.

In the case of the latter, you must understand that all the love that you need is already within yourself. However, people tend to look for it elsewhere and this is one of the biggest mistakes you can make after a break-up.

Dr. Jill Weber indicates that it’s normal to feel confused, sad or angry while grieving the loss of a relationship. However, when relationships end, it isn’t necessary to punish or blame yourself. Almost everyone has gone through situations like this but these situations are not the ones that define you.

On the contrary, even if a person is no longer in your inner circle, life goes on and you must learn and continue on your path of evolution. If you feel that some of the following characteristics describe you, even just a little, then that break-up is affecting your life and it’s time to make some changes.

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Indicators of low self-esteem

  • Feeling that life has lost its meaning because of that person who has left.
  • You feel ugly when you look in the mirror and even think that no one else would fall in love with you now.
  • Perhaps you think that the person who has left was perfect and the only one on the planet for you.
  • You compare your ex with every potential partner you meet.
  • You become careless with your personal image and self-care and you no longer take care of your appearance. Additionally, you don’t feel enthusiastic about anything, you’ve lost all motivation and you’re no longer interested in the activities that you loved before.
  • You feel a kind of pain that doesn’t allow you to think clearly.
  • Lastly, maybe you feel guilty about a lot and think that if you had acted differently in certain situations, maybe that person would still be by your side.

If you feel that you identify with any of the above, then you must understand that you can also enjoy being alone. During this time, you can truly get to know yourself, and, as a result, truly love yourself.

Steps to regain your self-esteem after a break-up

When a break-up happens regain your self-esteem.

The end of a romantic relationship can take its toll on your self-esteem. However, it’s important to know how to face it so that it doesn’t become an obstacle.

There’s no magic formula to recover from a break-up: it takes time. However, the results are incredible and the love you’ll be able to have for yourself after this experience will be much greater. To begin, you could benefit from taking the following recommendations:

  • Just let go and let yourself go through all the stages of grief after the break-up, instead of trying to suppress your emotions. It’s better to tell someone you trust what you’re feeling, rather than let things boil up within you.
  • Don’t resort to avoiding the problem, just let yourself experience and go through the emotions. This is the best way to turn pain and wounds into windows of opportunity to start anew.
  • After this process, you’ll be the only protagonist in your life.
  • After living out these experiences, you’ll understand that your life doesn’t depend on that person, nor should it revolve around it. You’re two different people who can live out their full potential on their own.
  • Establish a new routine, quit old habits you had with that person.
  • Start by searching inward. Happiness is within you and not within someone else’s life. Nourishing yourself with self-love is a crucial step towards seeing your full value and understanding why you don’t deserve to be in a toxic relationship.
  • Avoid wearing yourself out by talking about that person all the time and what happened. It’s fine to blow off steam but, afterward, you must return your attention to yourself and be the center of your own world.

Most importantly…

  • Take care of yourself, love yourself, take care of your appearance. Look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are in your own eyes, and not through someone else’s eyes.
  • You must take care of your physical and mental health. Seek help with a psychologist if you want someone to accompany you while you heal. In addition, return to the activities that you loved before.
  • Surround yourself with positive things, forget sentimental or sad songs at this time in your life. Finally, try to attract only joy

If you love and value yourself, you’ll realize that there are parts of you that you didn’t even know about. Furthermore, there are things that you never imagined doing but that now, if you regain your self-esteem, you can achieve.

  • González Arratia, N., Valdez Medina, J., & Serrano García, J. (2003). Autoestima en jóvenes universitarios. CIENCIA Ergo-Sum.
  • Quispe Rojas, V. (2017). La autoestima. Universidad César Vallejo.
  • Vazquez, A., Jimenez, R., & Vasquez-Morejon, R. (2004). Escala de autoestima de Rosenberg. Apuntes de Psicologia.