How to Heal the Wound of Abandonment

Recovering from abandonment is a process. Here are 6 things to keep in mind to overcome the wound of abandonment.
How to Heal the Wound of Abandonment

Last update: 14 November, 2021

Healing the wound of abandonment by a partner is not easy. It’s not the same as overcoming a breakup that’s been consensual as it is to overcome one that has ended unexpectedly. If you’re going through this stage of grief, here are some tips to heal the wound of abandonment.

As experts point out, the style of rejection in a breakup conditions the anguish you experience after it. Among all attachment styles, abandonment is the one that generates the most impact, so it’s also the most difficult to overcome. We hope our steps for overcoming the hurt of abandonment will be of great help to you in the process.

6 steps to heal the wound of abandonment

Every grieving process is unique. Some people can get over it in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, others require months or even years to get over it. The first thing to keep in mind is to avoid comparing your process to that of someone else close to you.

Many variables determine how quickly you can heal the wound of abandonment. For example, according to researchers, the length of the relationship affects how quickly you can get back on your feet. In short, the more years there are in the relationship, the longer it will take you to recover from it.

Let all this serve as a prelude to assimilating the steps to heal the wound of abandonment that we will present. The important thing is that you commit to applying them, understand that they will benefit you and that, above all, you must continue with your life. It’s the latter that should encourage you to overcome a breakup.

1. Start by accepting it to heal the wound of abandonment

Para sanar la herida del abandono hay que aceptar la ruptura
The first step to overcoming a problem is to recognize it in its entirety. Accepting reality is the easiest way to deal with it.

That’s right: accepting that you’ve been dumped is the first step to healing the wound of abandonment. Of course, it’s not easy, but it’s the starting point that will help you along the way. If you don’t, you will never fully assimilate that the relationship is over, and you will always be emotionally attached to it.

Abandonment is a very complex process. Its after-effects can be felt for years and will be stronger depending on the circumstances (a moment of crisis, a child in between, an illness, and so on). Therefore, it’s likely that you will not be able to accept this reality that you have to live.

Because of this, the help of a therapist can be of great help. Don’t close yourself off to this possibility, as they can help you channel your emotions and put the moment in perspective. Of course, accepting the abandonment is not something you necessarily have to do on the first day. Wait for the waters to calm down before you take the first step.

2. Make peace with your feelings and emotions

Overcoming a separation involves embracing your feelings and emotions, not hiding them. You must learn to express your feelings in time because ignoring them does not make them go away. According to researchers, repressing feelings can alter the way you access memories.

In this sense, you may idealize the relationship, exaggerate some moments and even forget them. Don’t be afraid to cry if you feel like crying. This is a natural way to drain your frustration. Just don’t let your emotions control you 24 hours a day. As you drain your feelings you will feel better, to the point that you won’t find reasons to keep crying.

3. Work on your self-esteem

As the evidence indicates, the breakup process always involves an alteration of self-concept. This is predictable, especially when you’ve been with the person for a long time. In these cases, all aspects of your life are shared with them, which also involves many things at an emotional level.

It’s very common for your self-esteem to be compromised after a process of abandonment. However, there are many ways in which you can strengthen it, so here are some ideas. You must be attentive to this factor because it is possible that if you neglect it, it can evolve into episodes of depression and anxiety. This is why the mediation of a therapist is very important.

4. Create healthy distractions to heal the wound of abandonment

Since you’ve already accepted the situation by this step, the natural next step is to create healthy distractions that prevent you from constantly thinking about it. It’s at this point that your friends and family can be of great help, because with their support, you can find reasons to have fun despite the circumstances.

A trip to the movies, a walk in nature, or a moment of distraction in the evening can make a radical difference in your emotional stability. This should be complemented by cutting the ties that still bind you to that person. Of course, this also includes digital ties.

Researchers agree that getting rid of digital possessions is an essential step in healing the wound of abandonment. For example, stop checking the person’s social media profiles. This won’t help you recover quickly at all.

5. Don’t look for someone to blame

Para sanar la herida del abandono no es necesario buscar culpables
Each case of abandonment is very particular, so obsessing over who could have influenced the process will always be counterproductive.

One of the most common mistakes after going through an abandonment is to blame yourself. You’ll navigate an ocean of justifications that will shift the blame for the abandonment onto your shoulders. Of course, you should never blame yourself in this process.

It’s one thing to reflect on the relationship, the ups, and downs, or the way you dealt with the problems. However, it’s another thing to point an accusing finger. In the first case, you gather teachings and lessons. In the second, you do nothing more than assume charges of conscience that have no validity.

6. Give yourself time to complete the process and health the wound of abandonment

Apart from all the tips to heal the wound of abandonment that we’ve given you, perhaps the most important is to give yourself time to overcome the process. As we’ve already pointed out, everyone deals with it differently, so it may take a while before you fully recover.

Many people choose to move on with their lives immediately without paying attention to their emotions or feelings. They choose to enter into romantic or sexual relationships to leave the memory of their ex-partner in the past. While you are free to do so, keep in mind that ideally, you should heal completely before you decide to start your new life or enter a new relationship.

We hope these steps to recover from a relationship breakup will be helpful as you deal with the aftermath. Be patient and don’t be afraid to face your ghosts face to face. After all, it’s the only way you’ll be able to stand up and move forward.

It might interest you...
Nutrients and Exercises to Maintain a Healthy, Clean and Strong Liver
Step To Health
Read it in Step To Health
Nutrients and Exercises to Maintain a Healthy, Clean and Strong Liver

We explain which are the best nutrients and the most appropriate exercises to enjoy a healthy, clean and strong liver. Discover them!



  • Davis, P. J. Repression and the inaccessibility of affective memories. Journal of personality and social psychology. 1987; 3(3): 585.
  • Locker Jr, L., McIntosh, W. D., Hackney, A. A., Wilson, J. H., & Wiegand, K. E. The Breakup of Romantic Relationships: Situational Predictors of Perception of Recovery. North American Journal of Psychology. 2010; 12(3).
  • Sas, C., & Whittaker, S. (2013, April). Design for forgetting: disposing of digital possessions after a breakup. In Proceedings of the SIGCHI conference on human factors in computing systems. 2013; 1823-1832.
  • Sprecher, S., Felmlee, D., Metts, S., Fehr, B., & Vanni, D. Factors associated with distress following the breakup of a close relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 1998; 15(6): 791-809.
  • Slotter, E. B., Gardner, W. L., & Finkel, E. J. (2010). Who am I without you? The influence of romantic breakup on the self-concept. Personality and social psychology bulletin. 2010; 36(2): 147-160.