How to Approach Your Children to Give Them Advice

· June 4, 2018
One of the bases of a healthy relationship with your children is effective and loving communication, in addition to the time you spend with them. Find out more here.

Educating your children to develop their maximum potential and play their role in society is no easy task. For this, you must learn to approach our children. This way, you can advise them and prevent making mistakes.

If you don’t learn to approach them, when you want to offer them advice or help that they have not asked for, they may reject you. That’s why it’s important to maintain good communication with your children.

You must learn to communicate as a family, to express what you think, and to empathetically understand the feelings of your children. From there, you can promote a bond built on the foundations of love and affection.

It’s essential to learn to approach your children starting when they’re small. If you don’t dedicate time and don’t create a space for conversation while they’re young, it’s unlikely that you can engage in honest and productive dialogues with them when they reach adolescence.

Tips to get closer to your children

How to get closer to our children

  • If you have several children, it’s a good idea to talk with each one separately, dedicating each their own space. This has to be done on a regular basis.
  • When they’re little, playing with them is a great way to get close emotionally. After all, when we play with our children, they notice and feel our interest as parents towards them and towards their activities.
  • Watching a family movie also helps you have things in common with your children. Also, this opens the door to conversations about what they thought of what they saw and know their points of view, know the way they think, how they see things, and their personality.
  • Hug, kiss and caress your children. Don’t avoid physical contact. It’s fundamental to strengthen the emotional bond, which brings us closer to them.

You must be warm and empathetic when talking with your children. The affection that you transmit to them when talking with them with your tone of voice, your words and your gestures is decisive for communication to be natural and welcoming. Also, try to put yourself in their shoes.

  • In addition, you spend time together as a family. The time they take watching television or playing video games alone should be short. Otherwise, they’ll be easily isolated.
  • Give your kids healthy, valuable gift such as books and games that, in addition to developing their abilities, make them play together, and create an instantaneous emotional connection.

See also: Mindfulness for Children and Young Adults: Is it Effective? 

Other important tips to get closer to our children

  • Promote family meals at least twice a week. Dinner or lunch on weekends helps to unite the family. Also, it’s important that your children collaborate in the preparation of the food. With this, they will learn to cook and the value of collaboration.
  • It’s important to plan trips or family outings in order to spend time together and have new experiences. This also unites you a lot as a family.
  • Teaching your children sports activities such as skating, cycling or swimming is a valuable experience for them, which also strengthens the connection between parents and children.

What we should not do with our children

Mother and children

Making generalizations and saying that they always do something wrong or that they never do anything good lowers their self-esteem. With these kinds of affirmations, your children may come to believe that they really aren’t good at anything.

Likewise, ridiculing them or using sarcasm and irony has an equally negative affect, even if unintended. The truth is that more than amuse them, it will make them feel inferior and humiliated.

Another thing you should not do is give authoritative orders repeatedly, regardless of whether your children have any kind of objection. This promotes the feeling that you don’t understand them and that they must follow the orders of the adults without being able to question them under any circumstance.

Neither should we shout at them and argue about problems that have already been resolved that are not related to those present. In the same way, reproachful looks  usually hinder dialogue with our children.

On the other hand, labeling them by converting a negative behavior into a personality trait definitely causes complete rejection.

In addition, you should never discredit your children or preach to them at inappropriate times. Instead, call their attention in private and proper way, without offending them.

We recommend you read: Rifts and Wounds Within the Family Take Much More Time to Heal

Reflection

The best thing we can do as parents is to try to maintain calm when we address our children. It’s important to keep in mind that if we’re always upset, it’ll be very difficult to reason with them assertively.

Having arguments with our children in that negative emotional state will lead us to express ourselves poorly, leading to saying words we may regret. If we allow this to happen, our children will be closed off more to our company, and even more to our advice.