Four Tips for Talking to Your Teenager

· September 6, 2018
During their teenage years, children can go through a lot of hormonal, social, physical and psychological changes that will influence their personalities and can make communicating with them difficult

Talking to your teenager isn’t easy. Generally, parents have trouble communicating with their children at this age simply because they “speak entirely different languages.” However, you have to be as patient as possible.

When your child faces a problem, you should be there to guide her, but also let her solve it on her own. Her ability to reason has to be put it into practice. Analyze the problem together and let your child find the solution and take responsibility for the consequences.

 Tips for talking to your teenager

In adolescence, people go through physical , psychological, hormonal and social changes.  As a consequence, communicating with your teenager can be pretty complex. These changes make them to want to talk to their friends more because they are their own age, but this often leads to them hearing the wrong advice.

So, here are some tips for you to put into practice when talking with your teenager:

1. Be reasonable and keep your position

Teens know how to talk their parents into getting what they want. 

It’s true that when parents give in to their children’s wants, they can solve the problem temporarily. But what are you really teaching them by doing this?


Life doesn’t give in to begging, and either should you. Hold your ground.

Mother supporting her daughter

However, you have to be reasonable and let your child explain why he broke the rules. For example, suggest that they ask for your permission if they want to get home after curfew. And, if you agree and are being reasonable, they won’t act out or keep begging.

To reinforce this rule, we recommend that you bring the whole family together to discuss the rules, specifically a set schedule for when to be home. Consider all the factors before making a decision. This shows the teenager that their parents are willing to compromise if they don’t break any rules.

2. Be assertive

Being an assertive parent is a great help because you will be able to defend your rights and express your opinions without offending your children or letting them to offend you. This way, you’ll be able to negotiate to a point where both parties are happy with the results.

Mother and daughter talking.
By taking on an assertive attitude with your child, you will increase the chances of getting the results that you want. Then, your teenager will feel calmer and more secure because she knows that her parents listen to her and that his opinions and feelings matter.

3. Set a good example when you speak to them

There’s no rule, manual or secret to talking to teenagers. For this, you have to have a lot of patience, understanding and set an example with your words. The best way to do this is to be an exemplary model when you have to talk to your child about a topic that is worrying you.

Talking to your teenager

Children at this age begin to mature in all aspects of their lives and are continuously struggling to become independent. They prefer spending more time with friends, which leaves their family in the background.

So, it’s important that parents emphasize the involvement of their kids in the family’s decision-making. Whether it’s a trip, buying a new item, changing schools, planning a move, etc, it’s important to take their opinion into account so that you can all choose the best option together.

4. Choose the best place and time

If you think that your child has a behavioral problem, it is important that you choose a time and place where you can talk to them quietly. It should be somewhere that you won’t be interrupted. When you’re both relaxed, especially your child, you can start an assertive conversation with them.

Mother and daughter talking.

Start the discussion by describing the problem in a simple and direct way. It’s about expressing how you felt about their behavior, without directly judging their personality. Just correct the behavior. It has to be clear that what bothered you was what she did, not her personality.

Correcting their first mistakes is very important. Don’t let their behavior continue. That way, you can avoid punishing him and your child won’t get defensive and will understand that she shouldn’t do it again.

Finally, we know that it isn’t easy to talk with your teenager, and it’s often hard to avoid an argument. If your child does get upset and begins to raise her voice, it’s important that you stay calm. You have to be able to reassure her and you can let her know that when she’s calmer, you can continue talking.

Remember that adults are the ones who have to set the example.