Everything You Don’t Resolve in Life Comes Back to You

October 21, 2017
If you don't face your problems, they'll remain present until you finally close that chapter of your life. Everything you don't resolve in life comes back to you.

We tend to tiptoe around the situations that hurt the most, turning our back to fear and fleeing from what we’re most afraid of. However, whatever you don’t resolve in your life will end up coming back to you.

It’s no good to cover our eyes and pretend nothing is happening. The circumstances that most affect us are those that we must resolve.

How can we do this? We must meet them head-on and use our fear as a motivator to overcome them.

Everything you don’t resolve in life returns multiplied in strength

A man who has buried his head in the sand.

Everything you don’t resolve, that you ignore, that you are so afraid of, will come back to you doubled or tripled in force. It’s life’s way of saying “don’t do that!”

If you don’t pay attention, if you don’t resolve the situation, next time you’ll experience the same thing but with greater force.

Let’s look at some examples:

Ana is 37 and all her romantic relationships end badly. She has suffered from infidelity, abuse, and lack of commitment from her partners.

What is Ana’s problem?

Ana starts her relationships afraid of being abandoned, but above all, she enters into relationships she doesn’t really want to be in. She is afraid of being alone and so, until she overcomes this fear, her relationships will go on being unfruitful.

Pablo, on the other hand, is 28 and can’t get a job. He’s had a few jobs but only for a few months each, or even just a few days. When he goes to an interview, they rarely call him back.

Pablo’s problem is that he has a huge fear of failure, and so, until he overcomes this fear, this lack of work, which is trying to warn him that there’s something he must deal with, will continue.

Our attitude towards life is very important. When we have a fear or trauma that causes an obstruction in some area of our lives, that’s when we start having difficulties.

What use is escaping?

Everything you don't resolve in life is still there even if you don't look.

Knowing all this, what use is it to escape? Running away from what you’re terrified of, of what you’re trying to avoid, is nothing more than a way of prolonging something that’s affecting you and won’t go away.

Unless you face it, the problem will continue. The more you turn your back, the greater the intensity with which it will manifest in your life.

So, escaping is a counterproductive attitude. However, facing your fears is not easy either.

What can you do?

  • Admit you’re afraid: You escape from it, you ignore it, but, do you deny it? Accepting your fear is an important first step.
  • Investigate where it comes from: Try to remember the first time it showed up and what triggered it.
  • Be objective about your fear: Now is the time to look at your fear from the outside and ask yourself: “what’s the worst thing that could happen?”.
  • Throw yourself into the adventure: Facing your greatest fears is an experience in itself, a true adventure. Are you going to deny yourself this experience?

Read: When Little Red Riding Hood Faced Her Fears

Are you willing to start changing your perspective about what you haven’t resolved?

Man with balloons about to go over a cliff.

Knowing all the above, it is time to stop being afraid of something that can be resolved, even if it’s clear that it’ll hurt, given that looking at an open wound for a long time does sting.

However, the fact that things are getting worse enables you to see that you mustn’t ignore those barriers that are holding you back and are making that wound even bigger.

All this will help you focus on the wound, pay attention to it and heal it.

It’s important for it to scar over, to stop being an open wound. You can’t go on dragging something around which once created a fear that’s now lingering unnecessarily.

Before you go, don’t miss: Write to Help Heal Your Wounds

Fear warns us of an imminent danger that we need to act on, whether by fleeing or attacking.

However, when we begin to carry this fear on our shoulders and it becomes anxiety, when it limits us and causes insecurities in certain aspects of our life that are related to this fear, it’s necessary to face it.

Remember that everything that you don’t resolve comes back to your life multiplied in strength. This isn’t bad luck or some sort of karma.

It is in your hands to deal with it. How? By being brave and looking fear in the eyes.

  • Edo-Gual, M., Tomás-Sábado, J., & Aradilla-Herrero, A. (2011). Miedo a la muerte en estudiantes de enfermería. Enfermeria Clinica. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.enfcli.2011.01.007
  • Gray, Jeffrey Alan. La psicología del miedo y el estrés. Labor, 1993.
  • Obando, O. L., Villalobos, M. E., & Arango, S. L. (2010). Resiliencia en niños con experiencias de abandono. Acta Colombiana de Psicología. https://doi.org/10.1161/ATVBAHA.114.303315