Establish Relationship Boundaries and Learn to Say “No”

· December 14, 2017
The first person you should love before starting a new relationship is yourself. This is the only way you’ll be able to set boundaries and know how far you’re willing to go. When you’re in love, set boundaries

Where are your boundaries? You might have never asked yourself this question, especially when you’ve been in love. Nevertheless, it’s important that you start thinking about how to establish relationship boundaries right now.

When you love someone, you know how difficult it can be to say “no.” There are things that you don’t like but you find it hard to refuse or put up with them.

This might be because you’ve submitted yourself to your partner, out of love. It may be so severe that you are totally dependent on them.

When in love, saying “no” is necessary

woman and man arguing to establish relationship boundaries
When you’re in love, it’s necessary to say “no” during those times when your values are being violated. As in any relationship, sometimes you have to give in and find some middle ground.

For example, if you don’t feel like watching a particular movie but your partner loves it, you can make the effort – as long as your decision is respected if the tables are turned one day.

But, what happens when your partner tries to manipulate you? Or, what about if they become jealous when you’re out with your friends?

Now, it’s important to stand firm and say “no.” So, give yourself the space you deserve and stop submitting. However, if you can’t do that, it will without a doubt set you on a very rough path.

Firstly, your dignity should always be your priority. Sometimes, though, love makes you so blind that you abandon yourself totally to the other person, allowing them to harm you. And this is why it’s so important to establish relationship boundaries.

Discover: Don’t let others make you feel guilty

Sayings such as “anyone who truly loves you will make you cry,” or “without you, I’m nothing” have caused relationships to become tolerated torture. Additionally, they are disrespectful. And, they become endless situations in which you have to say “no.”

So, you must refuse to continue to support something that without a doubt is not love. Instead, it is abuse, control, manipulation, and pain…

So, if you’re in love, even when it’s hard for you, you should learn how to say “no.” This will help you to establish relationship boundaries. Do this whenever another person violates your boundaries.

 Identify and establish relationship boundaries

woman and man on a beach
To find out what your limits are when you’re in love, first you have to reflect on your values.

And, to do this, you can make a list of all the values that are important to you.

Perhaps it’s respect, kindness, generosity, freedom…think about them! But, most importantly, write them down.

Once you’ve done that, add a column next to those values. Then, write down anything that could happen in your relationship to violate those values that would be a reason to leave.

These would be your boundaries. They are the things you’re not willing to tolerate, and if they happened to you just once you’d say “no,” put up a wall, and end the relationship.

See: 5 habits of honest people

Thinking about your boundaries is much more difficult. It might seem like when you’re in love, you have no boundaries. In fact, it’s amazing what we are sometimes willing to put up with or endure in a relationship.

Maybe, a boundary for you could be infidelity. Additionally, it could be abuse, lying, or indifference. Write these down and keep them in mind. As for your values, you must be faithful to them and not tolerate anyone violating them.

Our concept of love

woman in heels walking away from a man to establish relationship boundaries
The reason why you don’t know how to say “no” or set boundaries to protect the values you know you deserve is because society has created a very unhealthy concept of love, that’s still in place today.

Love seems to mean giving everything up for the other person, mind, body, and soul, to the point that they are responsible for your own happiness.

You believe that having someone by your side is critical because being alone would be a disgrace!

So, when you have a partner, you might do many things to avoid losing them. And one of those things is allowing them to violate your boundaries. Firmly establish relationship boundaries for a healthy start.

And, when you hear stories about how many abused women don’t report their partners, but instead return to them, what do you think is going on? It’s so important to establish relationship boundaries in these cases.

They have let their partners trample on their dignity and begun to believe that they deserve everything that happens to them.

Before you leave do not forget: 6 signs of verbal abuse

However, this isn’t love. If you’re in love, you have to love yourself first. Value yourself, and know what your values are. Then, establish relationship boundaries that no one is allowed to cross.

Only then can you love another and allow them to truly love you.