Emotional Intelligence For Difficult Moments
The benefit of emotional intelligence is that it can be learned and acquired, so if we are not happy we can make changes on our own for the better.
Emotional intelligence is the best strategy towards improving our quality of life. We all go through times of immense personal complexity and there is nothing better than standing out as skilled masters of the world of emotions.
As they say, emotions can be our greatest strength or our greatest weakness. It all depends upon how we use them in our specific realities.
We have to keep in mind that psychological states like sadness, fear or rage are not as negative as we think. In the end, these are “calls for attention” that tell us something is wrong. These are red lights that we need to know how to react to, manage, and change without letting them dominate us.
Emotional intelligence: your key to happiness
If you’d like to dive into the always interesting and useful theories about emotional intelligence, we recommend books like Working With Emotional Intelligence or Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, or Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer.
They are all an excellent source of knowledge to kick off this personal change to become more happy and productive in the contexts of work, our personal life or relationships.
We recommend reading Letting Go is Accepting What Cannot Be Changed
We’d like to offer you some small steps to follow every day to turn these vulnerable moments or critical crossroads into opportunities to become stronger.
This first strategy may seem very simple at first. But if one follows the exercises we propose below, you’ll realize that sometimes who we think we are is not demonstrated by what we do every day.
Consider these characteristics for a few moments.
Use six words to define yourself. Then, provide examples that truly demonstrate this.
Some simple examples:
- I am brave ⇒ Can I show this? No, because up until now I am at the will of what the rest say or decide.
- I am a positive person ⇒ Can I show this? No, because right now things are not going well and I’ve stopped looking at the positive side of life.
- I am affectionate ⇒ Can I show this? Not really, because I don’t feel good about myself and I’m not as affectionate with others as I used to be.
Now that we’ve defined ourselves, let’s write what we would like to be like in these moments:
- Now I would like to feel relaxed.
- I would like to feel good about myself, to feel proud.
- Right now I would like to be alone.
Pay attention to the difference between each state and reflect on it: on what you feel right now and how you would really like to feel.
Don’t blame others: you are responsible for your happiness
Maybe this got your attention. How can I not blame this person for my unhappiness when all he or she provides me is deception and tears?
Also read: 4 Beautiful Buddhist Teachings about Love
Above all, emotional intelligence teaches us the need to take responsibility for ourselves, to know our needs, fears and virtues.
- As we must be responsible for our own happiness, we need to take decisions. If people harm you, defend yourself by being assertive and making it clear what the limits are.
- Express your emotions and feelings clearly. If others do not act accordingly, it’s necessary to make a decision, with care and respect.
Do not blame, build up resentment, anger or spite. All that weighs too heavily on our hearts. Emotional intelligence teaches us that to be happy, we must free ourselves from these emotions.
You decide what you are worth
We are now completely aware of our emotions, our needs and we know we must be assertive and establish limits around what we will and won’t allow. What is the next step so we can move on from this personal crossroads where we’ve found ourselves?
- Recognize your strong points and virtues. You know your worth and what you need, so begin incorporating inner calm. No more doubts or fears.
- There is no need to prove yourself to anyone. Each person is their own personal universe, with their own way to understand the world. While there is respect, we all have the right to “be and let be.”
Start up the motor of change. You know how much you have suffered and struggled in your life, so who says you don’t deserve to be happy “your way”?
Go ahead. Start right now.