Doubts Before Getting Married: What Can I Do?

Are you having doubts before getting married? This is completely normal, but you should know how to manage them. That's why we want to give you some tips that we're sure you'll find useful!
Doubts Before Getting Married: What Can I Do?

Last update: 26 July, 2021

Are you having doubts before getting married? Maybe you already had some doubts when your partner gave you the engagement ring. Or maybe they’ve arisen now that you’re about to take the big step. Believe it or not, these doubts are more common than you may think.

But are they the result of fear of committing to someone, or is there more to it? To find out if you should return the ring or go ahead with the wedding, keep reading!

The challenges of marriage, all the promises that you make and have to keep… It may all seem overwhelming. This generates fear and questions that are completely normal. What you have to discern is if you really want such a big commitment.

Have doubts before getting married? Four possible causes

It’s important that you know where these doubts are coming from. Knowing the origin of these doubts will help you to calm your anxiety and concern. In addition, this will allow you to clarify what you really think.

1. You think about whether they’re the right person

Doubts before getting married may appear because you don’t know if the person you’re going to marry is the one. But who knows what the future holds?

As psychologist Silvia Congost explains in several of her books, you have to choose your partner every day. Therefore, you can’t know if the person you’re with is the right one or not, but you can understand that you want to go through the experience of marriage with them.

A woman doubting about her partner
Recurrent thinking about the past generates doubts when it comes to commitment. You must know how to distinguish between the important and the superficial aspects of whatever happened in the past.

2. You bring back problems of the past

The question of whether this person is the one and the insecurity that this makes you feel can make you bring back problems of the past that you hadn’t resolved until now. Focusing on those negative moments, arguments or misunderstandings can be a way of giving yourself reasons not to get married.

But, if in spite of those difficulties and problems you kept on choosing your partner, there’s a reason for that, don’t you think? We can always leave everything in the past, if that’s what we want to do.

3. You have different dreams

Doubts before marriage may appear in your mind because your dreams don’t quite fit together. For example, imagine that you want to settle down in the place where you currently are, but your partner prefers to travel, live somewhere else, or work outside the country.

Well, this can be a problem. If your paths don’t align, you won’t get anywhere together. In the end, a couple’s relationship is to go hand in hand in the same direction. When this isn’t the case, you have to rethink the relationship.

4. You don’t know if it’s the right time

Maybe you’re still figuring out what you want to do with your life or you aren’t sure where you want to go. This is normal, since perhaps you feel that it’s too soon to marry the other person or the problems you’ve had made you think about taking it all more slowly.

Ideally, you should tell your partner what you are thinking. Because it’s very likely that they’ll understand your point of view and will have no issue waiting for you to feel comfortable.

How to deal with doubts before getting married

Now that you know a bit more about these doubts before getting married, we’re going to give you some tips so that you can face them in the best possible way. This will help you calm down and make the best decision.

Breathe and give yourself time

The first thing to do when faced with doubts before getting married is to breathe, take time to spend with yourself and go to a natural setting. Parks or nature trails are excellent places for you to walk and think.

Knowing what the possible cause is helps you figure out where the real problem is. Then it’ll be easier to solve it in the best possible way.

Write down why you’re with your partner

It’s time for you to take a pen and paper and write down all the reasons why you choose your partner every day. Maybe it’s because you can be yourself with them, because communication is the basis of the relationship, because you have dreams and goals in common, because they’re a generous person and your values match.

Think of all the reasons to be with that person and you’ll see how those doubts before the wedding just dissipate. Writing them down is a way to order the process.

A woman writing something
Writing is a therapeutic process that helps to organize the mind and clarify ideas.

Set boundaries on what others say to you

There are people around you who may not have had a good experience in their marriage and everything they say to you is negative. There are also others who may pressure you, for example, by saying “when will you have babies“.

Try to breathe in the face of these comments and set limits so that they don’t affect you. Keep in mind that these phrases that are the result of other experiences that aren’t the same as yours. So don’t take it personally.

Communicate with your partner about your doubts before getting married

In addition to all of the above, there’s an essential aspect with the doubts before marriage that you shouldn’t overlook and that’s to communicate with your partner.

Perhaps you prefer to leave the wedding for later, in order to plan it calmly. That isn’t wrong at all and it’s valid if you decide it by mutual agreement.

Doubts before getting married are completely normal

Once again, we insist that it’s normal to have doubts before getting married, but these questions may be the result of nerves or insecurities.

So with the advice we’ve given you, we hope you can clarify all those concerns you have. Above all, be sure to communicate with your partner. You may both be in the same situation and not even know it!

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  • Becerril, D. (2001). Relaciones de pareja. Revista de educación325, 49-56.
  • Quezada Betancourth, G. A. D. R. (2013). Repercusiones emocionales al contraer matrimonio por presión social e inmadurez (Doctoral dissertation, Universidad de San Carlos de Guatemala).