Don’t Let People Drag You Into Their Own Storm
Before we begin, we need to distinguish between your own problems, and those of other people. You also need to learn to identify negative thoughts and find solutions that you are satisfied with, and that bring you peace.
Some people are capable of creating their own storms, but then crying when it rains. I’m sure you know someone with this personality.
They create their own problems, and later they mourn about being stuck in the labyrinth that they themselves created.
The most dangerous thing in these situations, in most cases, is that they will drag other people into their own obsessions and moral or personal dilemmas. They make you feel responsible which makes you take on problems that are not your own. Don’t let people do this.
This is quite common, especially in immature and dependent people. Creating storms in times of peace, however, is something that we’ve all suffered from at some point in our lives, due to periods of insecurity.
So let’s take a look at this.
When you create a storm on a calm day
Some days it’s easy to obsess over things more and not really know why. “But if this doesn’t go well…what am I going to do? I won’t have any other way out!” Or, “Apparently I’m condemned to being unhappy, nothing goes my way.”
These small examples are situations, thoughts, and ideas that you could easily fall into at certain times in life. Don’t look at it as something traumatic or dangerous.
Existential crises are vital moments that force you to make equally important decisions.
- Everyone is capable of creating their own storm at any moment, but they should only be short periods of weakness. Your self-esteem should help you to get back up and to take on new projects.
- Don’t regret or look down on having these thoughts. Authentic courage is knowing how to admit that you’re not in a good place, and that in your storm you need peace and light. Reorganize your thoughts.
- You need to put your feelings aside in order to remember what you truly deserve. No one deserves to walk through life thinking that the world is against them and that destiny has closed all doors forever.
Cognitive restructuring is an extremely useful psychological strategy for making “mental storms” disappear, which we have all suffered from, or could suffer from, at any moment.
Sometimes the mind combines emotional discomfort with these automatic thoughts that you are unaware of, and which tend to worsen your state of being. This is why it’s important to keep these strategies in mind.
- Every emotion and automatic thought has some place in the brain. So when you notice that you’re not in a good place, grab a notebook and describe what’s going on in your brain.
- Use words or short phrases. Describe what you feel, what you see, what you notice.
- This will lead you to a moment when you can “struggle” with it, and confront these ideas.
“I feel angry.” “People are bad.” “Why do I feel angry? Why do I think that everyone’s bad?” “Because someone failed me?” “What can I do to feel better?” “Talk to that person about how I feel, facing the problem and release the rage that I feel.”
- Once you’ve identified the emotion and negative thought, you need to prioritize a solution. You need to instill a positive state of freedom in your mind to help you overcome this.
Protect yourself from storms that are not your own
We have just accepted that we, too, are capable of creating our own storms. We know that this is an internal and personal process, and that we alone are responsible for racing the problem.
One very common problem, however, is that some people are able to pull you into their own problems, their own storms. Don’t let people do this.
- While you may, at times, experience moments of crises, there are some people that seem to live in a chronic state of crisis.
- These personalities are very insecure and need to be appreciated, confirmed, and tended to, because they see themselves as incapable of facing problems that they themselves have created.
- You may have friends, family members, and even a partner who has this kind of personality.
- In these situations, you become wrapped up in an atmosphere full of negative emotions, which you are then “obligated” to listen to and solve problems that aren’t your own.
The best way to act in situations like this is to stay balanced and to establish your own boundaries. You can help them in any way possible, but you need to make it clear that the storms that they create need to be solved by the mind that created them.
Support them, offer them encouragement, but try to make them realize that they are the ones that need to find their own solution. If you help them in that way, they might not be satisfied.
Keep the appropriate emotional distance. You already have your own problems and responsibilities. Don’t carry other people’s weight on your own back, as this will limit your own personal growth.
You need to tread carefully.