Learning to Distance Yourself

· July 5, 2016
You must learn to make yourself a priority and to understand that, for better or worse, you are the only person that is indispensable in your life, and that you need to distance yourself from people who no longer need you.

If you’re used to using social networks, I’m sure you already know the phrase “delete friend.”  Sometimes we accumulate people in these spaces that we don’t truly know, with relationships that bring us more problems that benefits.

Today, especially for young people, friendships commonly end this way.  People who don’t exist on social networks, don’t exist in your life.  It’s cold, and somewhat impersonal to break these ties.

So using this example, there are a lot of us that should also do the same in real life.  Sometimes we carry relationships on ours backs that greatly hamper our personal growth.

This doesn’t mean that you need to go knocking doors, however, to let people know that you don’t want anything to do with them.  This just means that you need to know how to distance yourself and not invest time and effort in people that don’t deserve it.

When they no longer need you: knowing how to tell

It’s not always easy to realize when you stop being important to someone.  Not only that, but they could also lose respect for you, and then their needs become more selfish.

You need to know how to differentiate between people that authentically need you, and those that have actually “disconnected” from your heart some time ago.

  • If you have kids, I’m sure you’ve noticed that there will always come a time when they stop needing you.  This has to do with their own maturity, with their ability to be independent.

Children will, in truth, always need you.  We’re talking about the bond between friends.

Some friendships come up suddenly whenever someone has selfish needs.  Whenever they need a favor, when they need to be heard and “only you know how to listen.”  You need to be careful in these cases.

Show support, fondness, and understanding to your friends, but only when this is reciprocated.  Friendship, just like any kind of relationship, is based on a sincere exchange of emotions, thoughts, support…

  • If you don’t feel any of these dimensions and you see that the individual only looks for you when they want something, then you shouldn’t have any qualms setting limits.
  • This isn’t about breaking ties overnight, as said before.  The truth is, all you need to do is truly state how you feel and set limits.

“I can’t do this because it’s just not good for me,” or, “I notice that you only want my friendship when you need something.  I’d like you to recognize me as a person more.”

Mermaid looking at boat

The pleasure of truly being important to someone

Don’t worry if, over time, you’ve had to distance yourself from a lot of people.  That’s the reality of life.  You will move forward in life with the minimum amount of things, with what is truly important and makes your heart big.

Those that walk with a light mind and a bigger heart will enjoy greater happiness, which is why you shouldn’t have any qualms about leaving people behind that you truly are not important to.

There will be moments when you feel true pain by realizing that someone very important to you has stopped seeing you as important.  Perhaps they have stopped recognizing you, or needing you.

Healing after this discovery takes time but, you also need to always remember that the greatest love in your life should always be yourself.  If you don’t love or respect yourself, you won’t be able to open the door to second chances.

There really are only a very few people around that are truly important to you, but of course, they are the best.  You don’t need to “accumulate people,” like you do in social networks.  In real life, we prioritize and love what we have in front of us.

  • People that truly need you will show you.  They will do so wholly, without being selfish or blackmailing.  These people love you, respect you, and know how to establish the daily exchange where both parties win and nobody loses.
  • If people that need you know how to show you, never forget to reciprocate it.  Making the people around us see that we need them too is a powerful way to recognize them.  This makes them feel useful, important, and essential parts of your closest friendship base.

woman painting bird

People need a lot of things to live: food, shelter, warmth, a home, and moments of fun and freedom.  So never forget that the most important things in life aren’t “things,” they’re people.

This is why it’s so important to know how to care for, look after, recognize, and of course, distance yourself from useless individuals that only cause you harm and stop your personal growth.

Make yourself a priority.  Look out for yourself everyday and for the people who really care about you.