To Have a Clear Conscience, Say and Do What You Should
In order to be a good communicator, it’s not enough to speak out. A person who is able to be assertive, respectfully but firmly, will enjoy a quieter conscience. They will have a more honest and authentic heart.
There’s something curious, however. According to several studies like one from Save Journal, only 18% of the population has a high score of assertiveness.
The rest of us more or less “survive,” which is to say we choose to observe, nod, and stay quiet.
Don’t fall into one of these extremes. You don’t have to be the person who never minces words, who is never silent and all talk. Nor is it healthy to dwell in the realm of surrender, conformity, and silence.
You need, more than anything else, to put your head on the pillow every night with a clear conscience. To know that your values and your actions are in complete harmony.
We encourage you to think more about this today.
How to achieve a clear conscience
According to an interesting article published in Psychology Today, 86% of the population seeks, above all, to avoid conflict.
Everyone tries to live in balance in order to be accepted. You accept certain unpleasant behaviors or attitudes to avoid more problems, to avoid feeling stressed out when you’re around certain people, or to suddenly find yourself rejected by those around you.
These behaviors are common, both among family members and at the workplace. You endure your father’s temper. You accept the unwise words of your cousin. You put up with that coworker who badmouths you constantly behind your back.
Eventually you come to tolerate it all so much that, without realizing it, a huge mountain has formed. This mountain only reflects back what you have become: a person who stays silent and permits things.
Let’s look at how to better handle these situations.
Everything has a limit and it’s a matter of dignity
Nothing is going to happen if you see that annoying cousin of yours – and deal with them – just once a year. Nor will there be a problem if your father’s temper is a rare thing. He may recognize his actions and amend them to something more appropriate.
- But if these and other behaviors are being repeated and already affect your dignity and self-esteem, it’s time to act.
- Everyone has a limit. Some people can tolerate certain things while others simply “jump” at the slightest provocation.
- Don’t set your limit at the line of pain or destruction. If something is bothering you, that’s your boundary; that’s when you press the red button to take action.
Be strong and objective in what you don’t like or what bothers you
It’s not about trying to hurt another person. Nor do you need to cry or use bad manners. You do, however, need to be direct.
“I don’t like you talking behind my back. It shows a lack of respect that I won’t tolerate. What you’re doing isn’t something that mature, respectful people do. Put a stop to it and don’t spread lies.”
“I don’t want to do everything you ask, nor can I. I’ll help you when you’re in need, but sometimes you abuse my friendship without respecting me, or even thinking of me.”
Also discover: Learn to be assertive and say “enough!”
- Also pay attention to another aspect of this. How other people respond to what you say is not your responsibility.
- If they take it badly or are offended they’ll eventually accept it, and you will have shown your degree of personal maturity.
Standing up for yourself often involves going against what you’ve been taught
Believe it or not, you live in a culture where it’s believed that people who defend themselves are selfish. To tell the truth, being disrespectful is what’s out of place.
You have to know how to interpret and understand the context and situation. It’s clear, though, that we are not always taught to stand up for ourselves, to love ourselves.
- Emotional intelligence is something that’s not taught in schools.
- At home, many assume it’s the job of your parents. Too many children learn that talking about their emotional needs makes them weak.
- It’s better to cry in secret, because “hiding what hurts you does no harm” to other people.
These are ways of thinking that must be broken down as soon as possible.
- In order to live with a clear conscience you have to defend your space, your values, and your rights. There will always be a time when you need to react against something or someone. Many people are used to overpowering others and being selfish.
You, for your part, need to learn to always act with respect but while defending your boundaries. Always do and say what you feel without damaging others, but protecting yourself.
No one can do this better than you.