The Characteristics of Toxic Love

· March 25, 2017
Toxic love can take many different shapes, from physical and emotional abuse to unrealistic expectations. Did you identify with any of these types of toxic love?

Toxic love appears in a lot more relationships than we think. It takes these relationships along the path of bitterness and almost always leads to a future and impending breakup.

However, this may be because we’ve been taught this kind of love. We’ve learned to settle for toxic love because of our fears, our hopes and dreams, and our somewhat misguided beliefs.

Today, we’ll discuss some characteristics of toxic love that are preventing us from feeling happy and fulfilled in our relationships.

Toxic love

Trying to change our partner

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In a toxic relationship, one partner tries to change the other person. This is because they want them to become the perfect image of the partner that they have in our mind.

This is how they avoid accepting the other person and loving them for who they are. In a toxic relationship, what you really love is the idea that one day you’ll become that perfect couple that you’ve dreamed of.

This only brings frustration. After all, changing someone is a difficult – and often impossible – task that causes us to waste a lot of energy.

Emotional dependence

You could say that this is one of the great evils of our time. The fear of being alone and the thought that nobody loves us causes us to become emotionally dependent.

Sometimes, behind this behavior hides a childhood full of emotional deprivation and traumas that will come to cause may problems in future relationships.


However, emotional dependence absorbs, consumes and confuses love with a strong addiction.

Owning your partner isn’t love

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This is another of the great mistakes that lead many couples along the path of bitterness.

Owning your partner and overwhelming and controlling them isn’t love, but insecurity.

You don’t belong to anyone. You’re free and you should never have to find yourself in a position where someone thinks they own you.

However, behind wanting to possess your partner is a feeling of distrust towards them. For instance, you may fear that they’re unfaithful or that they want to break up with you.

Sometimes, this insecurity arises because you may have thoughts like these yourself. On other occasions, it’s the result of a negative experience which left you damaged.

They hit you when they’re frustrated

Physically hurting someone who you “love” is never OK. No one has the right to raise their hand to you, no matter what you’ve done.

When your partner mistreats you, not only physically but also verbally, this is clear evidence that your relationship is toxic.

You must talk about your differences. No one should be subjected to the willpower of someone else. You must always respect each other.

You say goodbye to your friends

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It’s understandable that you don’t see or think about your friendships as much as you used to in the first few months of a relationship. This new experience attracts you, and you want to know as many things as possible in a short time about the person who has captivated you.

However, when this behavior still occurs after a year, or two or maybe even three, the situation may be somewhat more tricky.

Maybe you’re not going anywhere anymore if you don’t take your partner with you. You don’t hang out with your friends if your other half can’t also come and you meet up with them much less frequently.

There’s something that you may not have considered, and this is that friendships can last a lifetime if taken care of. However, a romantic relationship sometimes has its days numbered.

Watch out, because when your relationship ends you’ll want to have support from your friends. However, they may no longer be there to support you.

Love based on illusions

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This is the kind of toxic love we find hard to get rid of because it has a lot to do with the first phase of falling in love.

Expectations and illusions cause us to idealize our partner. But what happens after this? The things that we previously ignored begin to bother us.

Many partners don’t know why their relationship changes over time. But mature love opens our eyes from the beginning and doesn’t let itself be carried away by expectations that are only real in our mind.

Did you identify with any of these types of toxic love? Now that you know more about them, it’s time to avoid falling into these habits, even if it’s difficult and takes a lot effort.