You can survive breakups and move on unless you let it make you feel empty.
The belief in the perfect “other half” is one of the many false beliefs that leads to suffering. It’s only then that the breakup will be waiting to snatch away your happiness, your essence and your existence.
The importance of breakups
Breakups become irrelevant when we come face-to-face with the death of a loved one, a serious illness or any other situation of greater importance.
However, we shouldn’t need anything else to happen to us for us to realize that we give an exaggerated level of importance to breaking up with our partner.
Suddenly, everything sinks, nothing makes sense, and we think we’re dying. We’re far from reaching acceptance and, if at all possible, we writhe more and more in this pain that is trapping us.
Perhaps we gave everything for that other person. Maybe we’ve immersed ourselves in a relationship, when we should have first increased our self-esteem.
Perhaps we were already empty when we started the relationship, but we didn’t realize it.
Then, we gave the other person the power and responsibility to give us the love that we didn’t have for ourselves and the security we were lacking.
However, we’ve made a huge mistake. We prioritized our partner, idealized them, and we turned them into our savior. Then, when everything changes, we stop existing.
You continue to exist even after breakups
Your partner says that they no longer feel the same way, and you notice that you stop being yourself. Then, you start to disappear and you fade away.
However, even if they say this to you, even if everything has changed, you continue to exist.
The main problem with your world collapsing is that you were attached to the other person. You became the other person, and you put many of your responsibilities in their hands.
However, even if you do break up, the world doesn’t end now. It may seem that way, but what’s really happening to you is that you’re lacking perspective.
If you don’t want to sink when your relationship ends for whatever reason, it’s vital that you build a strong relationship with yourself.
Why do we make such an effort to maintain good relationships with everyone else, but not with ourselves?
We undervalue ourselves. Unfortunately, we don’t give ourselves the value that we deserve, and that’s the source of the majority of our problems.
Nobody teaches us to love freely. Disney stories, religion and the continuous publicity that we are subjected to, urge us to tie ourselves to the other person, but what about ourselves?
We believe that we’re nothing if we don’t do what we were told is right.
- “You must have a partner”
- “Loving is suffering”
- “You must hang in there with your relationship”
- “Love takes effort”
All of these beliefs have been well-installed in our minds. They condition our way of experiencing both relationships and breakups.
We were never taught how to let go, to make the decision to let someone go when nothing works anymore.
Thus, we hang in there, we trample our self-esteem, we humiliate ourselves…we do a thousand and one things that go against ourselves.
Before you go, read: When You Are Exhausted, Let Go
Breakups don’t kill. Breakups are often the liberation from a heavy load.
Let’s stop believing in old stories that we still believe to be true now. Today, let’s start to let go of everything that doesn’t do us any good without feeling guilty.