Being Loving Doesn’t Get Old, Disappointment Does
Love never runs out for those who are truly appreciative of the time and attention. Giving love doesn’t wear you down. What darkens our mood is disappointment and the emptiness it causes in relationships.
The classic saying, “Give love without looking at whom it is” highlights several important details. We all experience this ourselves when we’ve given a lot of ourselves to the people around us, without realizing there needs to be limits.
Some people assume that receiving attention, compliments, favor and affection doesn’t require a lot of effort without realizing that a relationship is a continuous exchange of “give and take.”
Unconditional love is truly something to be respected. It’s the love a mother has for her son, an unshakeable pillar that we all understand and value.
However, unconditional love is dangerous territory for many people. Not everyone is deserving of our continued affection and respect when we’re not receiving it ourselves.
When we’re mistreated or betrayed, we experience disappointment, and that’s what we’d like to address in this article.
Disappointment slowly wears you down
Disappointment wears you down slowly, until it eventually forces you to wake up. However, until that time comes, we’ll go through a series of complex and emotionally difficult phases that will make us question many things.
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We need to point out that disappointment is not necessarily the first step towards a break up. They allow us to see things in a more realistic light so we can develop a more mature approach to life’s situations.
Let’s explore this further.
When love is blind and disappointment opens your eyes
Something often happens when we’re young: we get into a relationship in which we idealize our partner so much that we can’t see their flaws because we’ve placed them on such a high pedestal.
- Everyday life reminds us that perfection does not exist, and that’s not a bad thing. Seeing things for what they are is the best way—and only way—to live in a relationship.
- No one is perfect, neither our partners nor ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes and we all have hangups and flaws.
- These first disappointments open our eyes to the fact that in order for a relationship to prosper, both parties need to invest themselves equally.
Faults can be corrected. Mistakes teach us valuable lessons and our flaws remind us that we are all human.
We also know that there are some disappointments and mistakes that can’t always be forgiven.
The disappointment that wears you down and hurts
Sometimes certain facts, details, words and actions present themselves that truly open our eyes, sometimes quite forcefully, to the fact that someone wasn’t behaving as we expected of them.
- In all likelihood, no one will ever be able to live up to all of our expectations because, as we mentioned earlier, love tends to idealize our partner’s character.
- Love should never be given blindly. It’s even more complicated when we’re talking about emotions because we’re touching on a situation where it’s already difficult to control how we’re feeling.
- We can accept disappointment, we can forgive a mistake, or even five. However, when it keeps happening we’re forced to make a decision. Disappointment not only wears you down; it damages and destroys your self esteem. We need to make that clear.
I’m tired of always being disappointed
No need to go to those extremes. When the heart gets tired of suffering from so many letdowns, it either shuts down or surrenders and accepts the situation for what it is.
- We must never let ourselves get into situations where we tolerate disappointment to the point that we think it’s “normal” and that the best thing to do is to put up and shut up.
- It doesn’t matter whether it’s a partner, your parents, friends or even your children. If there’s no respect and a clear intent to do harm is evident, it’s because they don’t understand respect or sincere affection. It’s time to react strongly.
You should figure out what to do the first time you’re let down. Once your eyes have been opened to reality, you need to deal with what is hurting you and realize that this behavior is not how a relationship is built.
Discover: Learn to Be Assertive and Say “Enough!”
If something is bothering you, figure out what it is and let it out. If something disappoints you, talk about it and come up with strategies to keep it from happening again.
If the disappointment continues, you’ll need to give a more forceful response. Otherwise, we end up too hurt and too fragmented.
Don’t let that happen.