Advice for Couples with Sexual Frustration

27 April, 2020
Stress, tiredness, fatigue, difficult times, and some sexual dysfunctions can cause sexual frustrations in a relationship. The best thing to do for it is to talk and ask for help if you need it.

Sex can be affected in many ways for many reasons. For example, stress, problems, tiredness, or even certain sexual dysfunctions can cause sexual frustration in your relationship. In this article, we’ll offer some advice on how to overcome it together.

Sexual frustration

Couple in bed, dealing with sexual frustration.
The causes of sexual frustration are as many as there are couples in the world. Talking about it is a powerful tool to overcome it.

Sexual frustration can be due to a lack of sex, or even because sex is no longer satisfying. In both cases, sexual frustration can cause certain consequences, like:

  • Lowered self-esteem
  • Stress and nervousness
  • Emotional distancing in the relationship
  • Arguments
  • Changes in mood
  • Even obsession with sex or infidelity

On the other hand, there are many different causes of this dissatisfaction. Either because you’re going through a difficult and stressful time (personal problems, or stages like menopause), and sex appeals to you less, or because there’s a lack of communication about sex with your partner.

Also, it could be because of fighting or sexual dysfunctions that prevent a satisfactory sex life, etc. Whatever the case may be, the question is: What can you do if you’re feeling sexually frustrated?

Advice for sexually frustrated couples

Know yourself

A woman putting her hands down her panties.
Masturbation can help you to know your own body better and realize what gives you pleasure.

In the first place, you should know yourself when it comes to sex. Many frustrations come from the members of the couple not knowing exactly what they want or what satisfies them.

For this reason, cultural prejudices, taboos, or the sexual education you received can play a negative role and cause dissatisfaction and sexual frustration.

Therefore, first you should figure out what satisfies you, getting to know your own sexuality and body better. To this end, masturbation can be a method to discover yourself.

We recommend you read: 8 Interesting Facts about Female Masturbation

Talk

It doesn’t make sense to wait for your partner to guess what satisfies you or what it is that you want. Therefore, you should talk clearly about what you like the most in intimate relations. 

On the other hand, if there are problems “between the sheets”, it’s better to talk about them too. It could be that something you’re doing is satisfying for one of you, but not really for the other.

Because of all that, you should be sincere with your partner. Effectively, you should promote communication and expression of your desires and needs. 

It might be a good idea to try something new together, having talked about it before. Maybe role-playing or new sex positions will bring you to experience new sensations that help overcome sexual frustration.

Don’t focus just on the orgasm

A couple having sex.
Sex isn’t just having an orgasm. Enjoying every touch and feeling is a fundamental part of sex.

Many times having an orgasm can turn into an obsession. However, sex can provide more pleasures than just the orgasm itself. Effectively, caressing and affection can be just as pleasing.

You should understand that many times your lifestyle keeps you from feeling relaxed when you have sex. So, accumulated stress or tiredness can cause an orgasm to be more difficult, or even impossible.

Nevertheless, this can turn into a vicious cycle if you only have an orgasm in mind and if you think sex is only satisfactory if it ends in one.

Effectively, stress and frustration can keep you from having an orgasm, which will only stress you even more. That way, you’ll just increase your sexual frustration.

Therefore, the best thing is to focus on and enjoy the stages of contact: from foreplay to cuddling and affection afterward. The orgasm will come eventually.

You should read: 9 Tips for a Better Sexual Relationship with Your Partner

Ask for help if you experience any sexual dysfunction

In many cases, there are sex problems related to certain dysfunctions.

  • On the one hand, in the case of men, the most common problems are erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
  • On the other hand, in the case of women, the most common are vaginismus, anorgasmia, and hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)

Although these dysfunctions can have a physical cause, all of them are related to stress, anxiety, and mood. For this reason, if there are other problems, you should see a specialist first, and later try sex therapy as a couple.

The benefits of therapy can be very positive and help you to solve your problems. It will help you improve your sex life and complete your sexual education while working on, at the same time, individual problems. The idea is to enjoy well-being, as much during your intimate moments as out of them.

  • Helen S. Kaplan, Manual ilustrado de terapia sexual, Grijalbo Mondadori, 1975, Barcelona, España. Título original, The Illustrated Manual of Sex Therapy, Quadrangle/The New York Times Book Company, 1975, Nueva York, EUA.
  • Sallee DT, Casciani JM, “Relationship between sex drive and sexual frustration and purpose in life”, J Clin Psychol. 1976 Apr;32(2):273-5.
  • Beryl A. Chernick, “Ethical Issues in Sex Therapy and Research”, Can Med Assoc J. 1978 Apr 8; 118(7): 782.