9 Scientific Ways to Please Others
The secret to making those around you like you is by first of all not pretending to be someone you’re not, because sooner or later, your mask will be exposed
We are all social creatures who need to be liked by those around us, to “connect” and grow emotionally to experience more successful relationships.
The human brain is programmed to establish bonds with others for a variety of reasons, not only survival.
We seek positive emotions from which to grow, ease our fears, and continue to learn day after day.
You probably know that “pleasing” or connecting with those around you isn’t always easy.
Sometimes you isolate yourself in solitude and never develop adequate social skills for making friends and initiating new romantic relationships.
Here are some simple tips that are scientifically proven to be useful.
Remember, however, to only try the ones that suit your personality and to always be YOURSELF.
1. Don’t overuse compliments to make people like you more
Don’t do this. Never fall into the trap of praising someone so much that you’re inventing virtues just to make yourself seem more friendly. This never works.
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Be subtle when it comes to flattery because sometimes “less is more.” This principle is supported by the theory of profit and loss in interpersonal attraction.
Compliments are only meaningful when they are occasional and given at the correct time.
In excess, your credibility can be lost.
2. Show your flaws, but only on occasion
There’s no doubt you too have noticed this behavior. When someone explains how careless, clumsy, or forgetful they are, it creates a certain closeness among those around them.
It’s easy to identify with this type of behavior. People who are “infallible” in some way seem to be more human, so we empathize with those behaviors and people almost instantly.
There are plenty of experiments that demonstrate this fact. Someone who drops their coffee when they walk into a room, who trips, or is often incorrect is typically liked much more.
3. Be close, touch from time to time, but in a “subtle” way
To be liked the last thing you must do is invade their personal space. Don’t be too close or “stuck” to them, otherwise you’ll only create discomfort and rejection.
- Subtle behaviors of trust and closeness, however, can “leave an impression.”
- A pat on the shoulder or a soft, almost imperceptible caress on the arm can create a rapid emotional connection.
4. See others as they see themselves
You need to be intuitive. Everyone has a certain image of themselves. If others treat you in a way that’s opposite of how you see yourself, you’ll be filled with feelings of rejection.
If a person is confident, brave, and extroverted, don’t make them think you see them as timid and self-conscious. Be smart, observe, and apply what’s known as “the theory of self-validation.”
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5. Let them talk about themselves and, above all, LISTEN
Provide an adequate space for communication. Let other people talk about themselves and be receptive, show interest.
- In order to be liked, you must be empathetic and know how to practice emotional openness. One of the best strategies to connect with another person is to allow them to feel comfortable enough to talk about their life.
Harvard University published an interesting study about this behavior. The areas of the brain that are associated with motivation and reward are activated when you share information about yourself.
This is a very positive thing, emotionally.
6. “Copy” something from that person
This doesn’t mean putting your personality on hold to take on the other’s. It’s much easier than all that.
- To be liked you must make connections, and to connect there’s nothing better than establishing affinities and similarities.
- New York University defined this behavior as the Chameleon Effect. If you imitate some gestures, words, or behaviors it can help you “connect” much better with the other person.
7. Reveal a secret
What better way to create a bond than by sharing a secret? This type of openness can establish the intimate foundations of your emotional fabric, which is essential to testing and strengthening a relationship.
- People do this with their friends and romantic partners.
- The technique of “self-revelation” must be practiced carefully. You need to be intuitive in deciding who you will share your secret with.
- Be cautious and follow not only your heart, but also your intuition and your mind.
8. Become friends with their friends
We want to emphasize once again that it’s not a matter of putting aside who you are or your personality. To be liked, you need to show interest in the things that surround that person and define them.
- Something as helpful as establishing relationships with that person’s friends can always guarantee success in these situations.
- Think about how comforting it feels to have your partner get along with your friends. We all have important people that surround us.
- If these bonds are in harmony, we’ll enjoy a fuller, happier life.
Scientists describe this dimension as the “triadic axis.” If you have several people in common, the probability of becoming more intimate increases.
9. Always express good humor
Positive emotions are powerful. A smile and a laugh can brighten the heart and generate a positive attitude or even love.You should remember this fact: if you want someone to like you, don’t focus on only talking about your problems and fears. Don’t drag your clouds over the one you’re trying to dazzle.
Practice the art of contagious emotions because it always wins: make that person laugh and see you as someone who knows how to get the best out of each moment.
Emotions are powerful when it comes to forming bonds. Generate good energy, make the difficult more easy, and learn to connect from your heart, but always while protecting your self-esteem.