7 Effects Of Having A Narcissistic Mother

18 September, 2020
Having a narcissistic mother can mean that, as adults, we aren't able to look after ourselves and we continually try to satisfy the needs of those around us, leaving ourselves in second place

Our parents are our authority figures. Simultaneously, they act as role models and as our first contact with society. However, not all parents set the best example. Some parents can even cause serious problems in our lives. In this article we’re going to talk about the consequences of having a narcissistic mother.

If your mother had these characteristics, it is important for you to know the possible effects and to take action to avoid potential emotional problems.

What is a narcissistic mother?

Before we start talking about the results of having a narcissistic mother, it is important to understand what this concept means.

The first thing we should bear in mind is that narcissistic people love themselves excessively. As a result, they may require a lot of attention from their loved ones and it may be hard to satisfy them.

Although being this demanding may make them and their children achieve excellent results in life, the emotional wear will be equally severe.

Let’s take a look at how this trait can affect children.

We recommend you read: Your Siblings, the Best Friends You Never Chose

1. The children of narcissistic mothers tend to forget about their own needs and desires

Narcissistic Mother

A narcissistic person always needs attention, is arrogant and likes to manipulate others because they feel they deserve the best.

Translating this into the family context, one of the effects of having a narcissistic mother is that her children grow up with the need to please her.

In this process, the children don’t perceive themselves as individuals with their own needs and desires. Typically, they become a reflection of what their mother wants and do all the activities that are expected of them.

When they achieve the imposed goals and objectives, their mother rewards them and so they learn to constantly seek this affection. As a result, when they grow up, they don’t have awareness of their own space and try to satisfy the needs of others before their own.

2. They have low self-esteem

Low Self-Esteem: When You Turn Into Your Own Enemy

Another effect of having a narcissistic mother is that the children only receive affection when their mother wants something from them. The problem is that these mothers are so demanding that it becomes difficult to satisfy her expectations.

As a result, the mother will give signs or messages to her children to show them that they aren’t good enough. The results of this is that the children always feel incompetent, lacking in ability, anxious and with low self-esteem.

3. You struggle to love yourself for who you are

You struggle to love yourself for who you are

As a result of not feeling good enough, the children of narcissistic mothers have difficulties loving themselves and accepting themselves for who they are.

It’s normal for us all to find things that we don’t like about ourselves and that we would like to change. However, people with stable parents grow up with the ability to find positive aspects of themselves.

One of the effects of having a narcissistic mother is that the children of these women will have problems finding something that they like about themselves.

Even if they reach great goals or achieve everything they aim for, it will never be enough for them.

4. You feel more like a companion than a son or daughter

Smiling mother and daughter

Due to the huge amount of attention that these kinds of parents demand, their children’s lives revolve around them, their problems, their needs and their happiness.

For this reason, the children become an emotional support and get involved in situations which they shouldn’t be participating in. These children take on so many responsibilities that they forget that they are the children and end up becoming more of an emotional companion.

People who have had this kind of parents feel as if they’ve spent their whole lives resolving their problems.

Although this can be positive in the sense that they have most likely learnt how to solve problems and be self-sufficient, they will feel a great burden and they will struggle to trust others.

5. You always talk negatively

You always talk negatively

Having a narcissistic mother means receiving constant negative messages. Thanks to this, the children learn to speak to themselves with criticism and hurtful words.

It creates a mirror effect. They learn to see life as their mother did and, because they received negative messages, they talk to themselves in the same way.

See also: Toxic Families and Their Characteristics

6. You learn to hide your true nature

Another effect of having a narcissistic mother is that these children learn to deny a part of their nature in order to show what their mother expects of them. Over time, this process of denying oneself or hiding oneself becomes normal.

As adults, these people may struggle to identify who they really are, what their true desires are and what they really expect of life and of others.

7. You self-sabotage

You self-sabotage

Having a narcissistic mother means always receiving the message that you’re not good enough. This prepares the children to expect the worst of every situation.

When they grow up, they will avoid committing their emotions to keep themselves as safe as they can. For example, they may avoid falling in love to avoid being abandoned.

This of course creates a vicious circle that leads to greater anxiety and insecurity.

What should you do if you have a narcissistic mother?

A relationship of this kind can cause intangible psychological damage that can have a great impact on your life.

If you have a narcissistic mother, you should seek help or advice to deal with the messages you’ve learned and achieve a more satisfying life.