Would you like to win any argument?
Despite the fact that no one has ever taught us how to argue in a healthy way in order to reach a mutual agreement, there are a number of key factors that can help us.
First of all, we have to understand that the main enemies of a respectful and constructive argument are negative emotions.
A disagreement between a couple, a misunderstanding with a coworker or our boss often makes us feel discomfort, annoyance, frustration or even anger.
Controlling these emotions will provide us with the proper mental calmness with which we can be more effective when it comes to arguing and come out of any argument triumphant.
We suggest that you discover these 5 easy tips for achieving this.
1. Don’t attack: To argue is also to listen and keep the other person in mind.
An argument is not won by attacking. It’s won with good arguments and the charisma of someone who feels sure enough of themselves to influence the other person.
- It’s important to understand that attacks, slights, shouts and accusations don’t serve any purpose in an argument. Moreover, they will only intensify until you reach a point of no return. They’re not useful.
- Whilst this type of intense dialogue often forms part of a disagreement – or something that bothers us, or hurts us – it’s important that we don’t turn it into something personal.
- Try to keep a cool head, warm heart, and a firm voice.
Never forget to take into account the person in front of you if you want to win any argument. If negative emotions control you, you’ll stop listening. If you’re not listening, you won’t offer either logical or valid arguments.
2. In an argument, rather than a “why”, make use of a “how.”
It may seem silly, but when we’re in the middle of an argument, there are certain words that can help us to “dislocate” the other person. This forces them to become aware of something of greater depth.
Let’s take a look at an example. Imagine that you’re in the middle of an argument with your partner and you say the following:
- Why do you leave me out of it when you make a decision? Why have you done it without telling me anything?
The most common thing is that, faced with this type of question, your partner issues classic answers that you may have already seen coming.
However, consider what can happen if you say the following instead:
- How do you think I feel when you act without considering me?
3. Don’t think about “being right.” Think about trying to reach an agreement.
The purpose of an argument is not to impose our opinions on the other person. What we really want is the following:
- That the other person becomes aware of our point of view.
- To not make the situation worse.
- To both become stronger after reaching an agreement.
4. Control the tone of your voice, be assertive, and avoid repeating yourself.
Phrases such as “You don’t understand me,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” or even just the words “you don’t” already put an obstacle in the way of the dialogue.
Plus, then you’ve already imposed a negative emotion on the conversation.
- Speak with assertiveness. Be firm, but empathetic towards the other person.
- Instead of starting sentences with the phrase “You don’t,” it would be better to say “I know what you mean and I understand.“
- Make sure that your voice is relaxed, without panicking, and always show that you’re receptive and friendly.
- While we shouldn’t ignore the emotional aspect at any time, it’s also important to make use of logic.
- At some point, it’s common for someone to make an illogical argument. Stay attentive to detect it and make them see their mistake.
5. Argue and contribute ideas that encourage empathy from the other person.
One of the most common problems that we usually have when we try to win any argument is that we don’t know how to argue.
- We accumulate a lot of ideas, emotions and thoughts in our mind, but we can’t put them in a clear order to be able to debate them with assertiveness, calmness, and precision.
- We have to learn to organize our ideas in order to express them clearly, concisely, and safely.
At the same time, another sensible idea is to introduce phrases that “obligate” empathy from the other person.
Here are some simple examples:
- “You understand me, you know what I mean.”
- “You’re an intelligent person and you understand my position.”
To conclude, it’s important to learn to argue in a wise manner. However, it requires time and requires emotional intelligence.
Do it calmly, with respect, and with good arguments, and you will come out of an argument victorious with an agreement between both parties.