5 Steps to Detect and Defeat Low Self-Esteem

February 6, 2019
It's important to realize that our self-esteem depends on us, not on what others think. Learn to value and love yourself.

When we were little, no one taught us how to promote a healthy emotional well-being. If we were lucky to have a supportive family environment filled with kindness, it’s possible that we have fairly healthy self-esteem. As we grow up, however, this fragile and vulnerable side of us may go through many ups and downs due to experiences we go through. That’s why in this article we’ll give giving you some tips to detect and defeat low self-esteem.

We’ve been taught that in order to be special and achieve success, we have be well-rounded, physically perfect, brave and triumphant. However, people often end up developing a substitute to self-esteem in which self-validation depends upon how others treat and see us.

If someone rejects me, I’m no longer worthy of love. Or if I’m fired from my job, I was no good at it. If my friends leave me behind, it’s because I don’t deserve anyone’s trust.

It’s not right. We should never let ourselves get into such negative emotional states.

Today we’ll give you the 5 most common indicators, to enable you to detect and defeat low self-esteem.

How to detect and defeat low self-esteem in 5 steps

Self-esteem doesn’t mean believing you are the best in the world, nor is it seeing yourself as the worst. The first is an example of a kind of blind pride, and the second a clear example of low self-esteem.

We should learn right from the start to believe in ourselves and our abilities.

The problem starts when we focus on the validation of others over whether or not we are capable of doing something or if we are or aren’t worthy of being loved.

This is a terrible source of suffering that we have to do our best to avoid. Now we’ll look at some clues that will help us detect and defeat low self-esteem.

Hands in chains reaching out to a butterfly.

1. I’m afraid of failure

Since childhood we have sought the support of our parents and other important adults in our lives. If we made a mistake, then we had to get an adult to help us.

Now that we are adults we still have a fear of failure and making mistakes. We don’t think we have the skills to do certain things.

How to face this fear

Low self-esteem reflects, above all, an unusual amount of fear. The first one we must overcome is the fear of failure.

Mistakes are not a bad thing. They help us learn how to do things better. We shouldn’t label ourselves as clumsy just for having made a mistake – there’s nothing worse than judging yourself.

2. Irritability

Bad moods, apathy and getting irritated easily is often a reflection of low self-esteem and even depression.

  • These are moments when we feel like we’ve lost control of everything around us. We no longer have hope, and that is a dangerous state to be in.

How to face this situation

  • Set priorities where the first goal is to take care of yourself. Change routines and friendships, and take on new tasks and hobbies.
  • Rejecting the negative voice inside your head will wake you up to new dreams.
A woman with a storm in her head.

3. Desire to please

We’ve spoken on numerous occasions on this site about the dangers of needing to be liked and pleasing everyone around us.

  • This may indicate low self-esteem.
  • Even though there is nothing wrong with receiving external praise from time to time, the problem is when we need this constant approval in order to “feel good about ourselves.”

How to overcome the need to please

Try to do things on your own without needing to explain yourself to anyone. Enjoy your moments by yourself, and, above all, else be assertive. Learn to say no when someone asks you to do something you don’t feel like doing.

We have to take control of this excessive dependency upon others.

Also read: I Am A Woman Who Doesn’t Need to Prove Anything

4. Taking on the “weight of the world” and self-blame

There are times when we feel that anything that happens around us is our fault.

  • If your child is doing poorly at school, maybe you aren’t helping enough.
  • When our parents become sick we tell ourselves we should have paid more attention.
  • When someone criticizes or rejects us, we blame ourselves.

How to manage self-blame

We need to understand that we don’t have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We aren’t responsible for everything around us and for making sure everything’s going well.

Get rid of this burden and try to let your mind and body rest. Appreciate things in a simple way. Find moments for yourself alone and stop analyzing yourself.

A woman with a little man in her hand.

5. Lack of hope

It doesn’t matter if you are 8 or 80 years old; people always need some kind of project or ambition. We need hopes and dreams to bring color into our lives.

If you find that you wake up every day without hope or a sense of purpose, and tend to let yourself be guided by what others want, then your self-esteem needs help. Look after it.

We recommend also reading: Which Colors Affect Your Feelings?

How to face a lack of hope

Hope is often lost because we fall into rigid routines, we lack external stimulation and we just don’t feel good inside.

Find new passions. Head in a specific direction, change the scenario, and above all, find new people. New friendships are sometimes the best medicine for the heart. Be strong and you’ll be able to defeat low self-esteem.

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