When we were little, no one taught us how to construct healthy emotional well-being.
If we were lucky to have a supportive family environment filled with kindness, it’s possible that we have fairly healthy self-esteem.
As we grow up, this fragile and vulnerable side may go through many ups and downs due to experiences we go through.
We’ve been taught that in order to be special and achieve success, we have be well-rounded, physically perfect, brave and triumphant.
However, people wind up developing a substitute to self-esteem in which self-validation depends upon how others treat us.
If someone rejects me, I’m not longer worthy of love. If I am fired from my job, I was no good at it. If my friends leave me behind, it’s because I don’t deserve anyone’s trust.
It’s not right. We should never lead ourselves into such negative emotional states.
Today we’ll give you the 5 most common indicators of low self-esteem and how we can confront them.
How To Detect Low Self-Esteem in 5 Steps
Self-esteem does not mean believing your are the best in the world, nor is it seeing yourself as the worst. First is an example of a kind of blind pride and the second a clear example of low self-esteem.
We also recommend reading: What Happens in Your Brain when You Are Suffering?
We should learn from the beginning to believe in ourselves and our abilities.
The problem starts when we focus on the validation of others over whether or not we are capable of doing something or if we are worthy or not of being loved.
This is a terrible source of suffering that we have to do our best to avoid. Now we’ll look some clues that will tell us if our self-esteem is healthy or not.
1. I’m Afraid of Failure
We have sought since childhood the support of our parents and teachers in our efforts. If I make a mistake, at least an adult can help me.
Now that we are adults we still have a fear of failure and making mistakes. We don’t think we have the skills to do certain things.
How To Face This Fear
Low self-esteem reflects above all an unusual amoun of fears. The first we must overcome is the fear of failure.
Mistakes are not a bad thing. They help us learn how to do things better. We should not label ourselves as clumsy for having made a mistake – there is nothing worse than judging yourself.
Bad moods, apathy and getting irritated easily is often a reflection of low self-esteem and even depression.
- These are moments when we feel like we’ve lost control of everything around us. We no longer have hope, and that is a dangerous state to be in.
How To Face This Situation
- Set priorities in which the first goal is to take care of yourself. Change routines and friendships, and take on new tasks and hobbies.
- Turning down the negative voice inside your head will wake you up to new dreams.
3. Desire to Please
We’ve spoken on numerous occasions on this site about the risk of the need to be liked and please everyone around us.
- This may indicate low self-esteem.
- Even though there is nothing wrong with receiving external praise from time to time, the problem is when we need this constant approval in order to “feel good about ourselves.”
How to Overcome the Need to Please
Try to do things on your own without needing to explain yourself to anyone. Enjoy your solitary moments and above all else be assertive. Say no when someone asks you to do something you don’t feel like doing.
We have to manage this excessive dependency upon others.
4. Taking On the “Weight Of The World” and Self-Blame
There are times when we feel like anything that happens around us is our fault. If your child is doing poorly at school, maybe you aren’t helping enough.
- When our parents become sick we tell ourselves we should have paid more attention.
- When someone criticizes or rejects us, we blame ourselves.
How To Manage Self-Blame
We have to understand that we don’t have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We are not responsible for everything or for making sure everything around us works.
Lay down the burden and try to let your mind and body rest. Appreciate things simply. Find moments for yourself alone and stop analyzing yourself.
5. Lack of Hope
It doesn’t matter if you are 8 or 80 years old; people always need some kind of project or ambition. We need countless hopes and dreams to bring color to our lives.
If you find that you wake up every day without hope or a sense of purpose and tend to let yourself be guided by what others want, your self-esteem needs help. Take care of it.
We recommend also reading: Which Colors Affect Your Feelings?
How to Face Lack of Hope
A lot of the time hope is lost because we fall into rigid routines, we lack external stimulation and we just don’t feel good inside.
Find new passions. Head in some direction, change the scenario, and above all, find new people. New friendships are sometimes the best medicine for the heart.