5 Mistakes Strict Parents Often Make

· April 7, 2017
Many strict parents are too focused on their children's education and don't realize the effects of their demands. Learn about this and more common mistakes that strict parents make in this article.

Some parents have high expectations for their children. They want them to do their best and to reach their full potential. However, strict parents may not see the results they hope for.

When this happens, it’s time to take a look at yourself and see what’s wrong. After all, no one likes to think that they might be wrong, but it’s very easy to make mistakes, especially when it comes to raising children.

1. They don’t realize that being overly demanding doesn’t improve their children’s performance

Upset hild due to strict parents

You may think that pushing, encouraging, and putting pressure on your child to do their best will improve their performance at school. But what happens when your boss puts pressure on you? Do you feel motivated, or do you start to feel unbearably stressed?

Being overly strict will be counterproductive in the majority of cases because it produces stress and anxiety. In addition, your child may think they’re not good enough for you. They’ll realize they’re not meeting your expectations and this will discourage them. As a parent, you have to give them their space. Pressure doesn’t always produce good results.

2. They don’t know that perfectionism isn’t a good thing

Do you really want to raise your child to be a perfectionist? You know better than anyone that perfection doesn’t exist. Human beings are imperfect and we will always make mistakes. However, they aren’t completely negative; mistakes help us learn and grow.

Strict parents tend to be very unforgiving with the mistakes their children make. However, fighting this is useless. If people don’t stumble and fall and if they don’t face the consequences of their actions, they’ll never be able to discern the path they should take.

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3. They have unreachable, frustrating expectations

Child with strict parents

You’ve probably already heard more than once that your expectations should be realistic if you want them to be met. Keep in mind that your children will try to do as much as they can to make you proud of them.

However, try to keep your expectations to something that they can actually meet. If you don’t, they will get frustrated and this can even lead to depressionStrict parents have very high goals for their children, but have you ever asked yourself what they want? What their goals are?

It’s a good thing to want the  those who you love most to go far in life. However, this isn’t your responsibility. Goals are personal, and no one can make them or impose them on anyone else.

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4. They forget that problems with personal relationships affect your children

Child sad because he strict parents

Your personal relationships are very important to you, but strict parents can seriously affect their relationships. Strict parents may be too demanding. They’ll start to expect too much out of them and set the bar too high.

This leads to disappointments, letdowns, and a general atmosphere of negativity. This won’t just affect their relationship with their children, but also with everyone around them. You must be realistic when it comes to personal relationships, as well. If you’re too strict on children, you might lose them.

5. They teach that love must be earned

A child who has strict parents notices the affection that they give him or her when he/she meets or fails to meet standards.

The child then learns that love isn’t unconditional, but rather the opposite. If they make a mistake, then they won’t be loved anymore. If they don’t meet their expectations, then they’ll won’t be worthy of affection.

All of this causes serious self-esteem issues and great insecurities that will affect the child’s future relationships. Children today are under a lot of pressure and feel the need to seek their parents’ approval.

This isn’t just the beginning of unhappiness, but also the start of relationship failures. Strict parents must be conscious of the fact that they make mistakes, too, and that their children don’t have to be perfect. Confidence in their abilities, not results, is what really matters.

 

Cook, L. C., & Kearney, C. A. (2014). Parent perfectionism and psychopathology symptoms and child perfectionism. Personality and Individual Differences. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2014.06.020 Hollender, M. H. (1965). Perfectionism. Comprehensive Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0010-440X(65)80016-5 Cook, L. C., & Kearney, C. A. (2009). Parent and youth perfectionism and internalizing psychopathology. Personality and Individual Differences. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2008.10.029