Four Reasons for Feeling Lonely and How to Overcome It

· September 7, 2018
Although we may sometimes confuse the two, being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing. Sometimes we feel and believe that we're alone when we really aren't.

You might be feeling lonely in certain circumstances and situations when, in reality, you’re not alone. If you take a good look in the mirror and all around you, you’ll see that you’re not alone at all.

Whenever we feel lonely, the void can take over. You might be afraid of not having anyone by your side. In turn, this can make you behave in ways that, rather than helping, make things worse.

Therefore, today we’ll look at four reasons why this happens.

1. You Feel Lonely Because You’re Single

Having a partner seems to be essential in today’s society. When you’re single, everyone will be encouraging you to go out more, dress up more… basically, any sort of advice to resolve your “single status”.

But what if you don’t really want a partner right now? Does that mean you should feel lonely? 

The answer is NOT AT ALL!

If you feel lonely, it’s because you have bought into false beliefs like, “I’m nothing without a partner,” “I’m not getting any younger,” or “I’m going to be single forever.”

Woman kneeling in a field feeling lonely

Feeling lonely because you don’t have a partner leads you to depend on someone else in order to be happy.

You should learn to be happy and at peace without anyone by your side. Your happiness does not need to depend on other people.

2. You’re Not Following the Same Path As Everyone Else

This is strongly linked to the previous point in that if we don’t do what everyone else is doing, like having a partner, then we feel lonely. But not only lonely, we also feel a lack of support and feel misunderstood.

woman walking by herself down a path

You might feel lonely when you’re not following the same path as everyone else, but you shouldn’t! Self-esteem and confidence are fundamental for feeling good about yourself.

Your life is a blank slate. It doesn’t matter if you were born in a culture or society where the majority of people act a particular way. You have to live the life that you want, the one that makes you happy, even if it doesn’t match what other people do.

3. Your Friends Disappear Once They Have a Partner

What tends to happen when a friend finds a new partner? Well, they tend to disappear and neglect their friends. Until the relationship is over, it’s really hard to get them to meet up. This happens a lot more often than most people would like.

To get through this, particularly if you have few friends, you need to make sure that you carry on doing the things you do with your friends, even if they’re not there.

You can still go out for a coffee on your own. You can still go to the cinema alone. There’s no need to feel lonely. You still have the best companion: yourself.

Woman lying in a field playing with birds

Society often conditions us to do certain activities with other people. However, you can still enjoy them on your own. This way, you’ll get to know yourself better and learn how to enjoy life without depending on other people.

4. You’re Trying to Fill a Void

If you’re feeling lonely for one of the reasons above, the most likely thing is that you’re looking to be with other people because you have a “void“, something missing. For example, maybe your parents didn’t show you much affection, and you need to feel loved.

Woman

Then, later in adult life, you try to fill in that lack of affection with the attention of other people. But then, if they disappear from your life, you feel lonely once again. Clearly, this strategy doesn’t work.

If you’re feeling lonely because you need other people to fill in that void that you can’t fill for yourself, it’s important to work to improve your self-esteem.

Go and see a professional who can help you find out what things you need, and how to provide yourself with that love and affection. Then, you’ll have no need to depend on other people.

Understanding all this to avoid feeling lonely is a long process. However, it’s the only way to be truly happy without depending on or attaching yourself to anyone else.