36 Questions to Fall in Love in an Hour

01 September, 2020
Mandy Len Catron, based on a study by psychologist Arthur Aron, comments in The New York Times that it's possible to fall in love after asking 36 questions.

Is it possible to fall in love in an hour? Perhaps many will directly say no. However, according to Mandy Len Catron, who cites a two-decade study by psychologist Arthur Aron in The New York Times, it is possible. Just a few questions are enough!

In the article that was published on January 9, 2015, Catron discusses how she fell in love with the help of 36 questions that Aron drew up in a study. However, this study, entitled “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings“, states that these questions are a tool to generate intimacy, and not only romantically speaking.

36 questions to fall in love in an hour

In 1996, Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at the Interpersonal Relations Department of the University of Stony Brook, New York, conducted an interesting experiment in his lab.

His goal was to find out how the variables that can establish a strong and intimate bond between two strangers actually worked, by using a series of questions.

At first, Aron’s work wasn’t trying to make two people fall in love. His goal was purely academic, and he conducted it in a clinical laboratory environment.

Nevertheless, The New York Times published his study anew in January 2015, through an essay written by another academic, Mandy Len Catron.

The motivation? According to Catron, through the 36 questions to fall in love that Professor Aron had devised to study the bonds of intimacy between two people, it was actually possible to actually fall in love. What are these questions?

Arthur Aron’s 36 questions

Let’s begin by clarifying a few issues. The questions you’re about to read go into very intimate and personal detail. In fact, it’s likely that a lot of people in long-term relationships have never stopped to consider more than a few of the issues that are raised here.

The 36 questions to fall in love can be sorted into three sets. If you’re going to try this with a stranger, go slowly and try the first set of questions with us to see how it’s going. If you start to feel any discomfort, it’s best to stop the line of questioning. Ideally, you should create a certain level of trust and you should both feel comfortable.

Two people talking and having coffee.
Ideally, you should create a certain level of trust and you should both feel comfortable.

How to make these 36 questions to fall in love in an hour

  • Choose a quiet place
  • Read each question aloud. Both parties must answer each question before moving on.
  • Both partners should have visual contact with each other the entire time.
  • There are three sets of questions. Take a break at the end of each set, and decide when you’re ready to proceed to the next one.

We recommend you also read: The 4 Fundamental Pillars of a Relationship

The first set of questions

  • If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you invite over for dinner?
  • Would you want to be famous? Famous for what?
  • Before making a phone call, do you rehearse what you’re going to say? Why or why not?
  • Describe a “perfect” day for you.
  • When was the last time you sang for yourself? When was the last time you sang for someone else?
  • If you were able to live to be 90 years old, which would you prefer: Having a sound mind or having the body of a 30-year-old?
  • Do you think you know how you’re going to die?
  • Name three things you want to have in common with your partner.
  • What thing in your life are you the most thankful for?
  • If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  • Share the story of your life in four minutes.
  • If you could wake up tomorrow and have gained some quality or ability, what would it be?

The second set of questions

  • If you could ask a crystal ball one question about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  • Is there something you’ve ever wanted to do for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  • What’ your life’s greatest accomplishment?
  • What do you value most in a friendship?
  • Can you share your most treasured memory?
  • What’s your most terrible memory?
  • If you suddenly learned you were going to die within a year, would you change anything about how you live now? Why?
  • What does friendship mean to you?
  • What roles do love and sadness play in your life?
  • Describe five things you look for in a partner.
  • Do you have a good relationship with your family? Do you feel like you had a happier childhood than most people?
  • How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
A couple talking and smiling.
The goal of these questions is to create an intimate connection with the other person. Plus, they help keep the conversation going.

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The third set of questions

  • Make three true statements using the word “we”. For example: “We are asking each other questions;” “We are both calm…”
  • Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone to share…”
  • If you were to suddenly become your partner’s close friend instead of lover, share the most important thing you would want them to know.
  • Tell the person across from you what you like about them.
  • Describe an embarrassing moment in your life.
  • When was the last time you cried in front of someone else? And alone?
  • Describe what you like about the friends you have now.
  • What, if anything, do you consider too serious an issue to joke about?
  • If you were to die tonight without the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having said? Why haven’t you said it yet?
  • Your house, along with everything in it, catches fire. Once you’ve saved your loved ones and pets, you have time to go back in and rescue one last thing. What would it be? Why?
  • Of all the people in your family, whose death would affect you the most? Why?
  • Share a personal problem and ask the person opposite you for advice to find out how they would handle the situation themselves.

Is it possible to fall in love with these questions?

Maybe. Many have tried and that’s why they promote it. After all, these human relationship and emotional works always leave something interesting to apply. In any case, falling in love is something complex that occurs in many ways in each person. Do you dare to try these questions out?

  • Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E. N. (1995). Falling in Love: Prospective Studies of Self-Concept Change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.69.6.1102
  • Aron, A., & Westbay, L. (1996). Dimensions of the Prototype of Love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.70.3.535
  • Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin23(4), 363–377. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297234003
  • Sprecher, S., Aron, A., & Aron, E. (1988). Love and the Expansion of Self: Understanding Attraction and Satisfaction. Contemporary Sociology. https://doi.org/10.2307/2070652