“I haven’t changed. There came a time in my life where I had to let people know what they deserved to hear.” If ever during your life you feel the same need, you shouldn’t feel guilty: prioritizing is a basic way to find balance and happiness.
In our desire to please everyone around us, we don’t often have the capacity or courage to stop “feeding” certain ties that, instead of enriching us, are actually causing damage.
According to a study conduct by the University of Claremont, acting in accordance with our values and being able to trust those we surround ourselves with is a way to increase oxytocin levels in the brain and, in essence, raise happiness.
In the end, it’s about acting on our feelings and staying true to our own values. “I haven’t changed. If I’m telling you that I don’t want to do this favor for you, it’s because it goes against my principles.”
We’d like to invite you to reflect on these issues today.
I haven’t changed, I’m staying true to my values
The key to happiness isn’t accumulating riches or having a lot of friends. It doesn’t mean “people collecting”, like someone who is trying to get thousands of people to like their photos and posts on social media.
It’s about maintaining relationships with people that are worth having in your life, people that always let you be yourself without having to do or say things that we really don’t feel. In reality, we know this isn’t something that is always easy to get.
We recommend reading: Learning to Be Selfish
We live in a society ruled by appearances and the need to “please everyone”
Never forget: those who obsess over being liked and pleasing everyone only end up being unhappy.
- We all go through times in our lives where we feel the need to be recognized. As adolescents, we search for acceptance among our peers to feel like a part of the group. Later on as adults, many of us are still searching for acceptance in the form of being loved by a romantic partner.
- Those looking to be loved by others forget to love themselves first.
- Keeping a balance from day to day is enough: you don’t need to set limits every instant. It’s about knowing how to live together with respect, both for yourself and others.
- If you always feel the need to pretend to be or feel things that you don’t really, maybe it’s time to change your environment. This type of situation maintained over time can lead to an identity crisis and loss of self-esteem.
I won’t let anyone change me, I like myself just the way I am
Getting to where you’re at now has meant a lot of work, resignation and pleasant discoveries. Our personalities do have a small genetic component, but who we are is largely shaped by our experiences and our attitudes toward them.
You should read: No One Deserves Your Love More than You Do
Life is a long path on which we acquire our value systems, beliefs, and attitudes that we wouldn’t give up for anyone or anything. Doing so would mean ceasing to be ourselves.
- Maybe you started a relationship that you later realize doesn’t work for you and you’re not happy. Chances are that the other person says “that you’ve changed” and you’re not into the same things that you used to be.
- Don’t let yourself be influenced by these types of comments. Nobody really changes overnight, what happens is others never took the time to really get to know you.
The most important thing is to maintain your self-esteem and stay true to you values. Being in a relationship, as well as living with others, often forces us to compromise on certain things. However, this “compromise” should be an exchange where everyone wins and nobody loses.
- In order to be a partner, mother, son, brother or friend, you need to know how to listen and establish reciprocity.
- You don’t have to agree on everything, you don’t have to share the same hobbies, likes and desires. What’s essential is sharing the same values.
- Never change aspects of your personality or your interests to please others or to keep them from being disappointed. Living up to others’ expectations is a personal dissonance that only brings unhappiness.
Also read: Sometimes Moving on Means Starting Over
Remember that in order to not to give in or let yourself be controlled by others, you need to know yourself. Always remember your limits and how far you can go without compromising your self-esteem. It’s worth keeping in mind.