10 Tips for Doing It For the First Time with Your Boyfriend

Your first sexual encounter is a completely personal experience. Learn what to do to protect yourself from risks and enjoy it to the fullest with your boyfriend.

Written and verified by the philosopher Isbelia Esther Farías López.

Last update: 26 May, 2022

You may have just met a guy, you may be dating someone, or you may be in a formal relationship. Either way, the first moment of intimacy will always make you nervous. It’s a natural reaction that happens to all of us when we’re about to have sex for the first time.

Always keep in mind that sex, like sexuality, is a natural part of life, and you should enjoy it when you’re ready for it. You should never do it if you don’t want to, much less if someone is pressuring you to for any reason.

Here are ten tips for having sex for the first time with your boyfriend.

What should you know before making love for the first time?

Before moving on to tips and recommendations for having sex for the first time, it’s necessary to address several issues. At the moment of losing your virginity, a series of questions may arise that you should solve to feel calmer and safer when the time comes. We’ll offer you an answer to the most common ones:

• What happens in the body when you have sex for the first time? You should know that nothing will visibly change in your body after having sex for the first time. No one will be able to tell. During the act, your heart and breathing may speed up, your body may sweat, you may blush, and your vulva and breasts may swell. This is part of the sexual arousal, and everything will return to normal when it’s over.
• Will it hurt or will I bleed? This depends on each woman’s body, psychological state, and context. It will probably feel more like discomfort than actual pain if you’re relaxed. Using lubricant can help reduce friction. On the other hand, you may experience slight bleeding, but this doesn’t happen every time.
• Will I reach orgasm? Again, this depends on each case, but it probably won’t happen. Inexperience and nerves can prevent you from climaxing. Don’t worry, though. It’s normal!

It can be very helpful to talk to someone you trust before having sex for the first time. It should be someone serious and informed who’s willing to answer your questions. Your doctor, a trusted family member, or an older friend can help you with this.

First things first

Always remember that you are the owner of your body and that you can always decide when to have sex for the first time or not. Also, no one can force you to do it when you don’t want to or aren’t ready. Your friends, your high school classmates, and even your boyfriend should respect your decision and let you deal with it because, in the end, it’s a very personal thing.

It doesn’t matter if someone keeps telling you to go for it if you’re not ready or don’t want to. Be clear and wait until you feel comfortable with the idea, the person, the place, and the time. It would be best if you never did anything under pressure.

On the other hand, remember that you can always change your mind and stop the sex. You don’t have to continue if you don’t feel comfortable.

Tips to make sure your first time is great

These tips below will help you feel calm and responsible for yourself your first time and create a healthy environment for sex.

• Wait for the right moment and the right person. First-time sex requires some planning, an intimate place to avoid interruptions, and plenty of time where there are no distractions for the brain, your biggest sexual organ. On the other hand, the person with whom you lose your virginity must be someone you know and trust; this will help you feel calmer.
• Take your time. Never start by taking off his clothes or masturbating him. Go slowly. Massage, kisses, and body exploration can help it turn into that special moment you were waiting for and where the heat of intimacy is lovingly increased.
• Try to relax. Fear, nerves, and anxiety can cloud this experience and make it painful or unpleasant. So, try to be calm and focused on the present and on the sensations you are experiencing.
• There’s no perfect age or age at which you should have sex. The first sensual encounter is a personal process, and the reason is that not everyone reaches sexual maturity at the same age. It’s a state that occurs according to factors such as family, culture, and religion.
• Manage your expectations. You don’t necessarily have to know everything. Your sexuality is a unique and personal characteristic that you’ll discover little by little. On the other hand, this first time probably won’t be perfect or a dream, but that doesn’t mean that something has gone wrong. The pleasure will increase as you both get to know each other’s tastes and preferences.

Tips in bed

Get it out of your mind that once you’re lying in bed, everything will be dreamy. The truth is that it’s a process of exploration and it takes a lot of maturity to avoid some negative consequences.

• Use protection. Your best ally for sex will always be a condom.
  • Learn about the risks of pregnancy if you forget to use a condom and, above all, about STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) so that you don’t turn a moment of pleasure into a traumatic situation.
  • Remember that if there’s contact between a penis and vagina, there’s a risk of unwanted pregnancy.
• Don’t worry if there’s no orgasm. Likely, you won’t reach orgasm, because it requires a little more learning about the tastes of both of you.
• Let him see you! Men think differently than women, and they don’t care about stretch marks or cellulite. What matters most to them is that they finally see their partner naked. Keep this advantage in mind and accept your body. Feeling and looking confident will help your partner desire you even more.
• Communicate. If you haven’t had sex, you should let your partner know so they can be gentle and careful with you. Clear all your questions about sex first. And if, on the other hand, you’re the one who’s more experienced, guide them to treat you the way you would have liked to be treated your first time.
• Work as a team. Just like a relationship, sex is a team effort. It’s up to you to communicate clearly to your boyfriend what you like (or would like) and how you like it so that he feels good, calm, and safe. In this regard, getting to know your own body can be very helpful in discovering your preferences; don’t be afraid to explore yourself.

What about after the first time?

If you wake up together the next day, take it easy. Sex is just a part of the relationship that should be built little by little. Give it time so you can get to know each other and define what you want together.